I’ve got a secret

Wuttke, Alexandria

From time to time, we are challenged and compelled to lie in order to keep a secret or protect a person to whom you promised confidentiality. A situation in my life where I felt like I had to keep a secret was when I was in high school and one of my closest friends confided in me that he was gay. Let’s call him John. It was extremely important that I kept John’s secret because he was not ready to disclose that information to other people, however I was at a crossroads because I was also very close friends with his “girlfriend” at the time. Let’s call her Jane. I remember advising him to tell Jane about his thoughts but he wasn’t ready to.

This secret was probably one of the most difficult I’ve had to keep simply because I was young and I wanted to be able to share it with Jane, but I also didn’t want to betray John’s trust. Especially since there were so many rumors going around about John’s sexuality and since I was one of his closest friends, a lot of outsiders tried to get me to confirm or deny the rumors. Not to brag, but I was well-known in high school; I was on the dance team and a lot of people knew who I was, so it wasn’t easy for me to keep secrets. Especially at that age, where it’s not uncommon for someone to want to fit in. I didn’t want to disappoint my other friends by not telling them, but at the same time I didn’t want to let John down either. (Not to mention that knowing this secret before even Jane made me feel powerful, like being privy to that information made me more important). YOU WRITE WITH CLARITY AND FORCE.

Looking back, it was silly of me to even think about telling other people. It would have been disrespectful to John’s privacy and dignity; it would have taken away from John’s autonomy and right to make those decisions for himself.  WELL PUT. In the end, I kept his secret and let him tell who he trusted when he was ready. By keeping his secret and lying to protect it, I protected John’s right to privacy. However, by keeping his secret and lying to protect it, I also hurt Jane. She was upset with me for not telling her sooner. Regardless, I don’t regret keeping that secret because in the end, it was John’s responsibility and right to disclose that information when he was ready to. And, it worked out because after all these years, I remain friends with both John and Jane. DID HE COME OUT TO JANE?

YOU DIDN’T ALLUDE TO BLEVENS’ LECTURE.

Lying (Diana Resendiz)

When I was younger my whole family were Jehovah Witnesses. They were the biggest believers they held a high title in the congregation. RUN-ON SENTENCE. I would have to lie to them every year when we had birthday parties. Since they don’t believe in celebrating any holiday besides baby showers and weddings, we had to pretend to not celebrate anything. Not only did I have to lie about birthday parties I also had to lie about watching movies with any sort of magic since they also didn’t believe in magic or witchcraft anything that isn’t considered normal.

Nobody really tried to penetrate the secret it was known in my house that the rest of the family couldn’t find out about our parties or the movies we watched. My parents didn’t let us celebrate anything until a couple years ago. It was very new and we made sure to keep from uploading anything to social media so the rest of the family wouldn’t figure out what we were doing.

Hiding secrets from my family are hard because since mostly everybody knows my family it would eventually leak. As a kid, I went to school with a couple of my cousins and we had the mutual friend and everyone knew that I loved Harry Potter. At the time, Harry Potter was still big and they were still releasing movies and I would attend the showings with my dad. I would talk about it with my friends and it eventually made it to my cousins and they would ask me and I would have to pretend like they are crazy.

Lying is hard and it takes many factors and you have to make sure you remember what you said and who you said it to.  Lying is a very stressful thing to do and it sucks when you have to do it to your own family about something that I do love. GOOD. CITE BLEVENS TO SUPPORT YOUR CONCLUSIONS. There is a lot of layers and steps that are a part of lying. Lying seems easy but in reality, it is very complicated and it takes time and a lot of thought. The world has a lot of secrets and just thinking how hard it was for me to figure out how to keep a secret from my family how hard it is for the government or other people to keep more serious secrets.

 

I’ve got a secret: Blog Post

 

Kai Green

When I was in high school one of my good friends, Jade, was going through a rough time in her life. She was suffering with depression and to cope, would drink excessively and do drugs. When I tried to find out what was causing this behavior, her response was always “Nothing.” So one day I decided to have a conservation with her, to help her through her personal struggles. We decided to grab dinner at our favorite restaurant and talk. At dinner she revealed to me that she way gay. This was a secret she hadn’t shared with anyone, including her parents. As her friend she pleaded with me to hide her secret from her friends, family and associates. As she wasn’t ready to come out as gay to her loved ones.

 

During the next few months after finding out Jade’s secret. The knowledge of this felt more like a burden, then a feeling of empowerment. It suddenly became my obligation to her, for me to lie to her family which I had a very close relationship with. Also to her boyfriend, Johnny, whom I’ve been friends with since the sixth grade. In our relationship it seemed as if she was more empowered because, she could continue putting on this façade with her loved ones. GOOD.  While I stood by her anxiously, having to watch anything I said so that I wouldn’t expose her.

 

Many people had their suspicions about Jade—mainly Johnny. When Jade began slowly distancing herself from Johnny, because she was pursuing other women.  He would approach me to find out what was going on. One day at lunch Johnny was anxious, after not hearing from Jade the entire weekend. He vented about his struggling relationship with her, and his feelings of disconnect on her end. He said, “Do you know what has been going on with her lately?” I replied, “I have no idea.” Jade’s parents approached me one day at church, and explained to me how Jade’s behavior had been very suspicious lately. They wanted to know if something was bothering her and hoped I would reveal her secret. Just as I lied to Johnny about Jade’s situation, I felt compelled to do the same thing to her parents.

 

Lying and keeping secrets from Jade’s loved ones, left me with an unsettling feeling. I became someone who was misleading and dishonest, with individuals I cared deeply for. This situation is directly related to the readings given this week. The readings addressed the interrelatedness of secrecy, confidentiality and lying. Each functions to help the other and cannot stand alone. As individuals we often use secrecy to protect lies and vice versa. Looking back on this experience with Jade, I understand the effect of these three factors on relationships. Although it felt wrong to lie and keep secrets from Jade’s loved ones. These intersections of secrecy, lying and confidentiality were used by me, in order to protect my friend from a compromising position. These three factors were a key component, to the way I processed Jade’s secret. Also how I planned on handling this information. GOOD.

 

Secrecy

Last semester I had the opportunity to intern for BBC Worldwide for their Latin American office in Coral Gables. It was a chance of a lifetime. My dream job was to work for The BBC network and this was one step closer to making that happen. My internship position was in the communications department. Most of my task included sending press material to publications, creating press releases, and curating coverage reports for our records. On Monday’s were particular my favorite because it was the communication’s department weekly meeting, and breakfast was always free. Free breakfast is a plus especially to a broke college student but on this particular Monday the Board room was serious.  BBC Executives were in the board room and topic of discussion was our dangerous financial state. BBC Worldwide had made the decision to make budget cuts to our sector in Latin America because business was not doing very well. BBC worldwide was going through some serous changes. On this particular meeting, time was dedicated to creating a strategic plan to announce to the office and press on the changes that were to come. These budget cuts would cause 9 of our employees to lose their jobs. Most of these people had families, hungry mouths to feed, mortgages to pay. I was just an intern trying to gain experience. Knowing that I was one of the few that had a hold of such sensitive information made me feel disgusted. I knew all these employees, they each had contributed to my life is some type of way. How was I supposed to keep this a secret from them? How was I supposed to pretend and act like everything is okay to these individuals when I knew it was going to be there last final weeks being employed? ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. I felt like I had all the power because I was exposed to such sensitive information. I felt like I could only speak to those who knew of that information because we did share something in common. I grew a sense of pity for these people. I was only an intern who had stumbled in the doors during the wrong time. At this moment I understood that I had to be very careful with what I said to others in the office.

THESE PARAGRAPHS ARE TOO LONG.

I knew it wasn’t my place to tell these people that they were getting fired. I also knew that I had the responsibility to keep the classified information to myself. It was too serious of an issue to talk about to others. As time passed so did the rumors. By the end of the week, everyone became frightful of losing their jobs. During lunch breaks, conversations amongst my coworker consisted of guessing who was going to get fired. I would simply go along with their game. Little did they know that I was the source to their curiosity. Finally after a whole two weeks of holding my mouth from such treacherous information, an email was sent to the entire office staff, informing us of the new changes being made. I finally felt at ease because this secrecy was over and I could finally act truthful.

YOU DIDN’T ALLUDE TO BLEVENS’ LECTURE.

The Secret

In an effort to become a possible confidant at work, I accepted the responsibility of taking on the secret that my former boss was having an affair in the workplace. It was a secret that I unwillingly came across when I walked in on my boss and his assistant being intimate in the break room. Due to my knowledge of this secret, it empowered and encouraged my boss to be more open with me about his affair. Entangled in this form of confidentiality, I was pushed to create lies that later resulted in intense anxiety.

In order to protect my boss and ultimately my position, part of my job description became arranging lies. Just as Professor Blevens stated, “lies guard secrets.” I created fake business trips in order to guard secrets from my boss’ wife about what was really happening in the office. I created lies ranging from fake business conferences to fake seminars. These lies were so intricate that I created fake websites, flyers, and itineraries in order to conceal the romantic getaways between my boss and his assistant. Keeping my boss’ affair a secret ended up giving me intense anxiety when his wife and his assistant were in the same room at company events. I would avoid all three of them like the plague and would volunteer myself to refill the concessions table even when it was still full just to get away. I would feel panicked when my boss would call me into his office because I was unsure what kind of lie he would want me to fabricate next. He felt empowered that he could continue to keep his secret while I acted as his secret agent.

The greatest consequence I faced was a “lower[ed] resistance to the irrational and pathological.” My behavior seemed erratic and too defensive when my desk mate would casually ask what I was working on or why I had so many meetings with my boss. As well, I would never save anything to my work computer; I had the irrational fear that when I was not at my desk, someone would open the files and discover my lies. I was definitely paranoid and began to feel as though I was the one being unfaithful. This secret forced me into a confidential agreement and later into the constant fabrication of lies in order to protect that secret.

Eventually, I confided in the Human Resources representative and shared the secret. In doing so, I felt disloyal and incapable of being trusted. By admitting to the “intentional concealment,” I was attempting to regain the honesty and sincerity of my character. What I first thought would be no big deal, ended up becoming a burden that limited my ability to do my actual work responsibilities well. And although I “display[ed] loyalty to my peers”, I was also displaying the unethical behavior of lying.

Ultimately, my boss’ wife divorced him and I resigned from my position for “irreconcilable differences.” In going through a web of lies, confidentiality, and secrets, I discovered the undeniable power of being an agent of the truth. GOOD.

48-Hour News Blackout

Wuttke, Alexandria

In William Deresiewicz’s essay, “The End of Solitude,” he describes how today’s technology has made it so that people are unable to be truly alone. Deresiewicz argues we need to remove ourselves from technology to truly find ourselves. “Solitude enables us to secure the integrity of the self as well as to explore it” (page 5).

Since society is advanced with technology, it has made me consumed with news almost everywhere I go. Disconnecting myself from all news for 48 hours was harder than I could have imagined. Out of habit, my phone is the first thing I check before I start my day and the last thing I look at before I go to sleep. I started my news blackout Monday February 20th at 12 pm. At first, it didn’t seem like it would have an effect on me, however I was wrong.

In these past 48 hours, I realized how the news is literally everywhere I go. The first day wasn’t so bad, until I was sitting at the dinner table listening to my dad say, “Did you hear about…” I quickly had to interrupt before she went on. I felt as if so much had gone on throughout the day and I missed a majority of it. Having to avoid all of my news apps, difficult. That meant avoiding the New York Times, the Weather app, and Facebook. Already getting used to checking the New York Times daily for this class, I was feeling a sense of anxiety not knowing what was going on the world. With no weather forecast, I had to check the old fashioned way, get out of bed and look out my window, hope to god with “Miami’s bi-polar weather” it wouldn’t rain. Thankfully, on Wednesday, the day I spent at home doing homework, it had poured all day.

The most difficult part of this 48-hour news blackout had been avoiding Facebook. Keeping updated with all of my Facebook friends and family on a daily basis, this was hard to stay away. I had been itching to grab my phone and log in. Facebook, now days, is where you would want to find videos mocking Donald Trump’s presidential election, or see how your whole Facebook feed has an opinion about what is happening on in the world throughout your news feed and there is no way of avoiding that. TIE YOUR EXPERIENCES BACK TO DERESIEWICZ, ALEXANDRIA.

Throughout this 48-hour new blackout, there had been multiple times where I had the urge of wanting to get a quick glimpse of Channel 7 News, log onto Facebook, or read up on the New York Times. It had felt almost impossible to avoid the news. It made me experience a sense of solitude and register how important the news actually is.

Blackout

Before I began my journey of 48 hours without connection to the news, social media or radio, I thought I was going to have such a tough time since I mostly live on the internet. I did begin by deleting all my social media, news apps and blocked YouTube. During my time disconnected from the world of news and social media, I did feel myself reaching for my phone and looking to see what I can do on it. I began to play more Clash of Clans and other games. I work every day and I didn’t really feel anything during the time at work since its always busy and I have something to do. I think this is why I didn’t feel alone or solitude, I made my mind busy with work. I have a big family also its seven of us I didn’t feel the need to go and feel accepted on social media. The only thing that I did feel wanting to do was to keep up with the celebrity news.

During my time, away from social media, I felt better I didn’t feel disconnected I noticed myself feeling less stressed out. I listened to music from my iPod. I did have to warn everyone in my family so they made sure not to tell me anything that was happening. I don’t think being connected to the news or social media is important or any information that I do need in my everyday life. Social media does take away from living your life I feel that it does take away from you just sitting and thinking without social media bothering you. I noticed that I also spent more time with my family and I did not have a distraction and gave them all my attention and actually listened to them. I did notice me working harder at work and just talking more to my coworkers. I didn’t notice how much of my time was wasted on social media and how unproductive it is to everyday life.

Being alone in the sense of being disconnected from social media was not as bad, I liked being able to just live my life without the stress of wanting to know what is going on in the world and just living a simple life. I did this experiment over the weekend and it is something I might do again just to see if it is possible. Society makes you feel like you have to be connected to everyone and to know what is going on everywhere and it just so much static. It does interfere with everyday life, it makes you not even live your life since we are busy watching and reading about everyone else’s life we don’t live ours to the fullest and in turn waste our life away. Life should be lived in the moment and not in other people’s moments on social media or the news. Being connected to the world is important but it is more important to live your own life and not be engulfed with the world’s news.

DIANA, YOU DIDN’T MENTION DERESIEWICZ  ONCE! THIS READS LIKE A DIARY ENTRY. YOU NEEDED THE ESSAY TO FRAME YOUR RESPONSES.