Secrets

I had to keep a secret which I strongly disagreed with once. It went against my moral fiber, and every bit of me cringed every time I thought about it. I have a friend who I love like family, and she was dating someone who was in a different part of life than she was. He was older than her, by five years. It may not be that much, but it seemed like decade when she was 17 and the guy was 22. The age itself may not have been that much of an issue, if her parents didn’t have a huge issue with the whole thing. I understand Thomas Drake’s perspective; much like he was against what was going on behind closed doors, I was against my friend’s secrecy. The difference is that Thomas Drake was an insider, protecting national security and waste; I believed that I was an outsider with limited authority to a problem which is minimal in comparison to Drake’s dilemma.

 

The issue at hand provided me a moral issues of secrecy and confidentiality. The issue was “she is doing something that isn’t acceptable, but does that give me the authority to tell her parents, or is it not my business?” I believed that her safety was at stake, but is that a big enough reason to break whatever level of confidence she placed in me? Was confidentiality more important than her wellbeing? I didn’t want one of my closest friends to be mad at me for telling on her, but

I and her family saw him as dangerous to her mental health; should have I what I knew anyway? CAREFUL. DON’T OVERDO THE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS.

There are things that were told to me (not by her) that I was totally unsure about. Was This information accurate? I don’t even know the people who stated it. Information passed along is like a game of telephone, and we all know this by now. How could I really trust what someone inferred from their perception? Information might be initially be objective, but humans are emotional beings and tend to make it subjective when we infer something from our own perception. Information is all in ones perception, and a faulty one can lead to impermissible deception (no pun intended).

The linkage between secrecy, lying, and confidentiality was blatant at that time. My friend wanted to keep confidentiality about her situation because it was not acceptable by her family. She gave information to people around her, or held out on information, based on her relationship to people. Her friends lied for her to keep those secret(s) from her family (which included me). I felt no empowerment; in fact, I felt emotionally drained to hold onto a secret which I hated. I understand Drake’s perspective on releasing the information. Is it more important to protect the greater good (of a group or an individual), or yourself from the backlash of release confidential information? My friend felt empowered, as she was getting by with the secret — for a while anyway. As with all great secrets, hers was found out and I was relieved of my dilemma SPELLING.

 

Secrets are better kept unspoken

I’ve got a secret, can you keep it? These words are often associated whenever private information is about to be said. Some people have even gone to jail for keeping secrets, which is brave. With my firsthand experience of keeping secrets, sometimes the choice to expose them is always the better alternative.

Growing up, we’re taught that little white lies are okay since they never truly hurt anybody. But when you’re in the pre-teen years, things get a little foggy in the idea of white lies. In middle school, I had my friends but then I had my very close little group of best friends. We were awkward youngsters who had nothing better to do but gossip about other awkward teenagers and watch vampire movies. It seemed like out of the four of us, I was the one who kept everybody’s secret even if it happened to be something very small as in they broke a vase or something in that nature.

Sometime towards the end of the summer when I was twelve years ago, a friend of mine confessed to me that she had a rare form of cancer called Bowen’s disease and nobody knew, not even her grandmother. I should’ve known better at the time but I was only a kid, I didn’t. In her words, the doctors stated there was a good chance she’d be able to live. So for two and a half years, I kept this secret from our friends and even family members. This person had even dropped out of our writing club in order to do chemotherapy after school. The reason she gave to everybody else was because her mother had placed her in soccer in order to get more exercise while I knew she was somewhere in Kendall hospital getting chemotherapy.

For two months she kept me in the loop about how her recovery was going, how her doctor were amazed at how fact her illness was going away. Yet she didn’t lose weight or her hair, she remained the same. However I somehow completely forgot about the topic until just about the time we were in our freshmen year of high school and I had reread a couple of our old text messages. That weekend we had planned to meet up at the movies and have dinner but instead, I had asked her about the cancer right in front of her mother. Everything got pretty ugly after that, as you can imagine.

We haven’t spoken since that day but truthfully; I wouldn’t want a friend like that. Although I was young and native, the experience of having a friend pretending to be ill was exhausting and right down insane. I was worried for her health, I was worried about what might happen if she passed away then what could I do? I kept this huge secret from everybody, believing that a good friend of mine was about to die when in truth; she lied in my face about it.TIE THESE IDEAS BACK TO ELEVENS.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL.

I’ve Got a Secret- Melissa Martin

Secrecy, lies, and confidentiality. These all seem to go hand in hand, but they’re actually quite different. Confidentiality is keeping something private in order to protect oneself or someone else. Lies, on the other hand, are used to guard secrets. The difference usually lies behind the reason for keeping something private. We’ve all told lies and kept secrets from others, but what was the reason for those lies and secrets? Was it to protect ourselves, a friend, or the person we were keeping it from.

TOO GENERAL. WE KNOW THIS. HOW ARE THEY RELEVANT TO YOUR POST?

Not too long ago I kept a secret from one of my closest friends. It ate at me for days, but at the time I thought the damage from disclosing the secret would be more harmful than keeping it confidential. My friend had been married to her husband for years. I’m actually just as close with the husband as I am with my friend. I’ve known them for the same amount of time. The husband cheated on my friend years ago and they were on and off since then. He’d promise her he wouldn’t cheat again, and then he did. They’d fight, separate and get back together. It was a never-ending cycle. I’d get involved a few times, but after a while I realized it wasn’t my place.

One day I found out that the husband impregnated the other woman. I confronted him about it the next day and he told me that he would tell my friend himself. I agreed to keep it confidential until he did. While I didn’t want to lie to my friend, I knew that disclosing this information would kill her. Part of me didn’t even know how to tell her. Days went by and my friend still hadn’t mentioned anything about the pregnancy. I contemplated telling her myself so many times, but couldn’t do it. I kept imagining how hurt she would be when she found out.

A few more days passed and I asked the husband why he hadn’t told his wife about the baby yet. He said he decided he was going to keep it a secret because he didn’t want it to ruin his marriage. I couldn’t believe what I had heard. He explained that he would give the other woman money under the table to support the child, but that he wanted to stay with my friend. I didn’t even know how to respond. Was he delusional? Did he really think this was all going to work out? I still didn’t know what to do? Do ANSWER YOUR OWN QUESTIONS. I ruin my friend’s life by telling her about her husband’s secret or do I let this secret eat at me forever? At this point, I knew it wasn’t about privacy or confidentiality. This was a lie and the truth had to be told. I finally told my friend about the baby. It felt like a weight had been lifted because I knew I had done the right thing. It was a difficult thing to go through, but after she left him, she was finally at peace.

For me, the difference between privacy and secrecy came when my morals kicked in. When I was keeping this secret for the wrong reason and realized there would be more harm from the lie than the truth, I knew I had to come clean.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL.

 

secrecy

Lies are everywhere, they’re among the most common things humans share. But why is it that we do say them? Is it to protect ourselves? Or the ones we love? Maybe both? But one thing is for sure with every secret comes a lie and we all have that one story of a secret we once had to keep. NO NEED. EITHER GET TO THE POINT OR SHOW MW HOW BLEVENS’ IDEAS FRAME YOURS.

About two years ago I worked at Guess in the mall. I had this coworker who was a couple years older than me and for some reason she always confided in me. She would tell me all her crazy stories and secrets. Usually it was never anything too scandalous, I always had a good laugh with her stories. But I’ll never forget the time she made lie to her current boyfriend while she was out with her old boyfriend.

She had been dating her current boyfriend for about two years. Randomly her ex-boyfriend added her on Instagram and they started talking again. They would text almost every day, flirting, going on secret dates, she would tell me how he would give her butterflies and how she taught she was still in love with him. Yet she still wouldn’t break up with her boyfriend. She didn’t want to pick, she wanted to be with both. That’s when I was like oh boy, but never did imagine I would get stuck in the middle of that mess until one day her boyfriend showed up at the store asking for her. I was like… he mentioned that she had told him she had work all day but I knew it was her day off. I didn’t know what to tell him and I definitely wasn’t going to be the one to tell him was what really going on. I panicked and lied, I said she was at work but at our Miami location. I couldn’t believe I was now a part of her lie. I told her what happened and said that would be the last time I did that for her. She couldn’t keep living this double life and expect everyone to be her accomplice. I told her she has to tell him sooner or later. If he showed up again asking for her I wasn’t going to lie again. She agreed and said she was finally going to tell him what she had been up to the past couple months. This was definitely one of the biggest and direst lies I’ve told. I felt horrible being an accomplice of someone’s betrayal. I wouldn’t have minded if it was a white lie, that didn’t hurt anyone. But this lie was constant months of lying and cheating something I’ve never agree or will agree on. I definitely felt guilty for a while but I’m glad I put my foot down and let her know what she was doing was awful and I wasn’t going to be a part of it. The lie made me feel empowered but not the good kind. GOOD. ARE YOU ALLUDING TO BLEVENS? I didn’t enjoy threating her by saying that I would tell him the truth if he ever asked again. But it was a good life experience and something to learn from.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL.

Media Blackout

NAME?

In this day and age we live in having a 48 hour news media and more importantly a social media blackout is unheard of. But this past weekend on the days of Saturday and Sunday I gave it a try. I must say the first few hours of putting my phone in airplane mode and giving it to my mother was brutal. I am so used to repeatedly checking my phone every few minutes to see the news or to see my favorite sports team the Miami Heat tweet there updates or scroll through Instagram to see what my friends are up to, and all that was gone and it made me feel empty and anxious. I couldn’t even turn on the television to watch Sports-center or even the regular local news. There was a big feeling of loneliness and solidarity that I have never felt. Every time I tried sneaking a quick peek of my phone my mother and father would quickly remind me of what was at task. I was constantly reminded of how my parents grew up  without any access of these new technologies. With my new found free time I took up spending more time with my dog and actually started and finished reading the Catcher in the Rye my family and I also was engaging in more conversations and I even helped my mother cook dinner for those two days to pass the time. There was a feeling of fulfillment when I ended these two days of no media and no access to my phone. There was more time spent with my family and not upstairs in my room. But probably the toughest instance I encountered during these past few weeks was when I couldn’t watch the NBA all star game. To my delight the All-Star game was a complete disappointment and that made me feel a little better. But the biggest benefit I received from this assignment was the grade I received on my chemistry exam. With no access to any electronics or media outlets and my phone I buried myself in the books and without and distractions I was able to not only finish my studies quicker but I was able to retain more information and much more work done. All my homework was finished without using the internet well except this assignment, and I also found out that all the answers I had for my class were in my book and I didn’t need the internet to find out everything. It was absolutely amazing receiving an A for my chemistry exam knowing that the reason I wasn’t scoring that high was because of all the distractions i surrounded myself with. My parents and my family were so impressed by the change that I demonstrated and the self control I showed that every Sunday from now on in the Shirajee household no one will have access to there phones or any type of media whether it be the news, newspaper, or anything down those lines. This assignment really brought out a side of me that I never knew I had.

YOU SUBMITTED A 517-WORD PARAGRAPH? WE HAEV REPEATEDLY CAUTIONED STUDENTS AGAINST SUBMITTING THESE UGLY THINGS. I CAN’T FOLLOW YOUR IDEAS.

48-hour News Blackout- Melissa Martin

My experience with the 48-hour blackout was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I truly didn’t realize how much my world revolved around media before this assignment. I started the blackout on Sunday morning. I woke up around 9am and figured I’d make a heavy breakfast to help pass the time. While I was eating alone, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t watch television, I couldn’t read the news on my tablet, I couldn’t even scroll down my Facebook feed. It was at this moment I realized how difficult this assignment was going to be. I took my breakfast to my backyard, so I at least had something to look at while I ate.

After breakfast I worked on my homework. It was noon when I finished, so I decided to go for a run, which I hadn’t done in months. I jogged around my neighborhood for about an hour, came back, showered, made lunch, cleaned my room and sat on my couch. At this point, I had made two meals, finished my homework, worked out, done all my chores and it wasn’t even 3 in the afternoon yet. This was unarguably the most productive Sunday I’d ever had in my life and it was only because I was filling the holes made by this blackout assignment. I had to figure out a way to pass the time. At this point I was starting to feel anxious. I just wanted to get on the internet and see what was going on. What if one of my friends got engaged and I missed the announcement? What if there was a terrorist attack nearby and I didn’t even know about it? My mind was going crazy and I could feel myself having withdrawals. It felt like I was going through rehab. I used to think that I liked to be alone, but I had never felt this alone before. I felt like I was stuck on an island, or worse; like I was stuck in solitary confinement and I was slowly driving myself insane. I had to fight the urges, though, and continue to entertain my brain. I finally picked up a book and read for the rest of the day. I went out with my mom for dinner that night and it was so nice to finally spend time with somebody else. Finally, it was 10pm and I could go to sleep. I was emotionally exhausted and I couldn’t believe I had to wake up and do this all over again.

Monday was less stressful. When I got to work, I told my co-workers about my assignment and dug my head into my computer. It was easier not to think about media while at work because I was pretty occupied. I went to the gym, got home, kept reading my book and went to bed. These were the hardest couple of days I had in a while. I didn’t realize how much my life depended on the news. It really is my life line and I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without it.

MELISSA, WHERE’S THE ANALYSIS? WHERE’S THE SOLITUDE ESSAY? THIS IS JUST A DIARY ENTRY.

 

 

48 Hour Blackout

Going for 48 hours without news is not something I assumed would be difficult at all, though It is quite bizarre in many ways. I wake up, I go on Snapchat and I scroll down. I see a post of news, I almost click it, and then I realize, “Oh, wait, I am not to “indulge” SINGLE QUOTES in news today or tomorrow.” Almost immediately, I feel the effects of being in the “twilight zone” of no news media. I don’t purposely seek out news, though I do keep in touch with what is going on. Doing this inevitably helps me stay on the “grid” of the online social world.

News definately helps us feel a lot more connected. Knowing what is going on in someplace halfway around the globe gives me more of a sense that I am not alone on the planet; it makes it feel inhabited to me. So, going two days without getting those news stories makes me feel like my world is a lot smaller. Without the news I was wondering what I was missing out on, like a third grader who wants to know what is happening on the other side of a tall concrete wall. GOOD I didn’t feel like I was “in the loop,” which is something that makes me feel less alone. I use the news to connect to people, to make conversations that I otherwise would not have. Inversely, I take the moments that friends are telling me about the news as huge conversational opportunities. The news is not only something that reminds me that I’m on a well inhabited planet, it is a tool to create great conversations; a bridge to people. When that bridge gets taken away, I feel like a pathway to socialization is taken away. In that sense alone, a feel a bit more alone. AWKWARD After not seeing the news for that amount of time I was very happy to able to see what was going on again, and to continue to connect with people about what is going on.

In relation to FULL NAME Deresiewicz, the absence of news for 48 hours didn’t made me go stir crazy, or feel super lonely. Although It was enough for me to know if I had to go for longer, say a month, I would definitely not like it. If 48 hours made me feel a little strange, I know that a month will likely cause me to feel the effects that Deresiewicz is talking about. It wasn’t enough to have too much of an effect, but the two days that I went without news coverage made me little less in touch, and more likely to be a little more lonely. There was also some worry or concern about not being able to hear the news. If I did go for long enough without news, I would become a bit fearful of not having it. Possibly even fearful of loneliness itself, as I am so accustomed to relating to people using the news.