I’ve got a secret assignment

Lies come with a negative connotation, but can attest to expressions of love and loyalty. Throughout our lives, we are no more loving and loyal than to those in our family. THAT’S NOT TRUE. WHO IS THIS “WE”? A personal experience that comes to mind is when one of my siblings came to me with a secret that she only trusted me to keep. At this point I knew my sister chose me to take on a difficult task that she felt only I could handle. And, at that moment, I was proud to be her sister.

One night after school, I was preparing my dinner in the kitchen when my sister walked in with an apprehensive look on her face. Immediately I was concerned and asked her what was on her mind. She then asked me if I could keep a secret. Part of me was nervous and the other was somewhat excited to hear about what was going to come out of her mouth next. I continued and said “of course!” and then she broke the news to me.

She told me she was in love with her best friend, and that to me did not seem like a deep secret as to what I was expecting to hear. I ran through the list of guys that she could have considered her best friend, but none of them could be classified as a “best friend”. Then, like a strike of lightning, I immediately knew she was in love with her girlfriend, Kerly.

I was utterly in shock by the news. She then told me I couldn’t tell anyone, especially my mom and dad. Our family had a religious upbringing, and by telling them this secret, she knew they wouldn’t be accepting of the change in her aspect of identify. After months of keeping the secret from just about everyone I knew, my mother approached me. She asked me if I thought there was anything fishy about how much time was spent between Kerly and my sister.

Having to lie to my mom made me feel guilty and stressed, and in some way my loyalty for my sister made me feel less loyal to my mother. I knew the importance of keeping my sisters secret would hurt my sister if my mother found out through me, but would hurt my mother if she found out I had lied to her. The lies kept stacking up as my mom got deeper into questioning me, but I knew by doing so I was protecting my sister from ridicule. HOW DOES THE BLEVENS LECTURE FRAME THESE CONCLUSIONS?

This secret forced me to lie and the lie protected the secret that my sister wanted to keep confidential. Therefore, they are all interconnected and one cannot exist without the other. BLEVENS During the period prior to the lie, I felt my expression of love and loyalty to my sister would come without consequence, but in order to keep the confidentiality I had to sacrifice the love and loyalty to my mother. The pain that comes with the lie is what provides it with a negative connotation.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL.

48 Hour Blackout

With today’s political climate and the nature of the president’s beliefs and policy’s, it’s difficult to carry out a conversation without the mention of news. Facing the challenge of avoiding all sources of news outlets and discussion of news to feel some form of solitude was extremely agonizing and difficult. Avoiding any news source was a rough task, after trying for the first day I failed to not discuss news on the middle east. I was forced to block the world out and the only way I was going to be able to succeed was by locking myself into the house and either do absolutely nothing or keep myself extremely busy. Keeping up with what goes on in America isn’t too difficult since our news is plastered everywhere but not knowing what’s going on around me filled my mind with uncontrollable negative thoughts.

I grew anxious, usually I would turn to social media to discuss my views on news but I had to need to be on my phone; I was clueless. The first day that I decided to cut off all news was a little more difficult than the second day, I did not know what to do with my time. Not having anything to do lead me to contemplate about what was going on in the world around me. Being an American Palestinian it is always a concern of mine to know what going on between the two. I also have a lot of family living in Palestine and all over the Middle East, without my knowledge of news, the blackout only built my anxiety. I spent most of my day worrying about if everything was okay, I had to keep from speaking to family and friends overseas due to our conversations would eventually have to do with politics and the negative of what is going on in the world. To completely feel solitude, I also had to disconnect myself from social media apps. Social media isn’t the most accurate news outlet but do read and come across world news, so staying off of social media gave me even more time to sit and thinking about what could be going on in the world.

Not keeping up with the news made me began to realize and start to think for myself rather then fill my mind with everything that’s going on, but rather take a moment to think about what has actually happened and if it is accurate information. Trying to be in solitude is really not as easy as it may seem, many different emotions from anxiety and nervousness were how I felt for the past two days. Not keeping up with my surroundings did have a very small positive impact on me, I have a constant fear of something happening to my family and fear and feel like something bad will happen. Keeping myself in solitude made me realize that I cannot keep live my life in fear and worry about what could happen. This experience has shown me a different viewpoint although it was rough it tough me to educate myself more with world news.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION DERESIEWICZ.

Secrecy

“The Balance of Concealment and Revelation” helps us understand the importance of privacy, keeping a distance and protecting ourselves against ridicule is why many of us keep secrets. We use lies to keep our secrets from wanting other to find out our secrets. Secrecy guards lies, every lie that we tell we have to justify so that other believe our lies. There are cases where we use lies to invade others secrets, keeping a secret does not require justification. Secrecy is the how we protect ourselves from giving anyone enough to invade our space. DON’T MERELY REPEAT WHAT’S IN THE LECTURE. ENGAGE THESE IDEAS. HOW DO THEY INFORM YOUR CONCLUSIONS?

Children often don’t fully understand right from wrong, grow up causally telling lies or keeping secrets just because it’s easy. I remember growing up with my siblings, keeping secrets and lying all the time. As a child it didn’t seem as if it was a problem, lying as a child is frequently seen as completely different than lying as an adult. At the age of 7, I recall many times when I lied to my parents and got away with it for a couple of days. It was such a relief after I lied, they believed me.

My parents would tell me not to sleep with gum in my mouth because it would end up in my hair. I was stubborn and refused to listen and woke up one morning to find gum in my hair. I knew that I wouldn’t tell my parents so I had to figure out what to do to avoid any consequences. I became so scared, I didn’t know what to do and I decided to cut the gum out. They asked me about it and I made up a lie that they actually believed making me feel unstoppable and safe, it was a bursting feeling of relief. Unsurprisingly I did eventually get caught and got in so much trouble as a result, which made me feel bad, but not necessarily about lying, instead for getting caught and having to deal with my punishment.

As a kid it was easy to lie that I never experienced a negative emotion. It was a great feeling to lie and get away with it. As I got older I became aware of the negatives of lying and felt guilty if I lied. In high school, report cards came out and my brother received an “F.” He wanted me to hide my report card so my parents would believe that grades had not come out, I agreed and kept telling my parents that grades were not out until the following week. I was nervous and frightened that my parents would find out, the guilt would fill my head and drive me insane. My guilt became unbearable I could not sleep and everything made me paranoid, I could not handle it. I cried to my brother hoping he would finally tell my parents, but he didn’t care. My parents later found out, and of course I got in just as much trouble as he did for not telling them the truth.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS MUCH. YOU WROTE A DIARY ENTRY. YOU DIDN’T ENGAGE THE LECTURE CONCEPTS AT ALL.

I’ve got a secret – R. Penn

Growing up with my older brother compelled me to lie to keep tons of secrets. Withholding these secrets, saved him from the one thing we were all terrified of as kids, which was licks or what we would call an “ass whopping”.  He would always do things that were in appropriate and drag me into the mix to cover up for him and as a little sister, what else could you do but be a shield of protection for your bigger brother. There was this one incident that took place on my mother’s job. Located on her job were some model vehicles and bikes that belonged to one of the employees, rather yet the boss. Being the inquisitive individual my brother was, lead him straight to the models to see how they looked. He began to play with the models and completely broke two of them. These are models that have been show cased for years, never been touched, never been played with, but now he has two of them completely broken into pieces.

My brother was so terrified of telling my mom the truth; fearing that he would get her fired; WRONG PUNCTUATION. he decided to come up with a lie and drag me into upholding that lie. ALLUDE TO BLEVENS. With both of us having the same story to tell when we were questioned, allowed him to get off scot free. Through this situation, I felt very empowered. If he didn’t allow me to have my way during certain circumstances, I would always give him that lovely reminder of those models and of course that did the trick and I got my way. It came to a point where he would ensure that he didn’t do anything to make me furious, so this secret could be kept “forever” according to him.  

Months have gone by and my mom would randomly question us at separate times to obtain the truth, hence, she thought we were dishonest to protect each other. She was basically trying to breach the secret she assumed we were keeping. This would continue for a few more months until she eventually gave up. Deep down inside I felt like I needed to tell her the truth so her conscious may be clear and because she was my mom. Yet on the other hand, I felt like I couldn’t let my big brother down and broke his secret. This incident haunted me for weeks, knowing that if my mom found out the truth, neither of us would be saved from those painful “ass whooping”.

Confidentiality, secrecy, and lying all played a role in this incident. The relationship between my brother and I caused this incident to be confidential. Therefore, no one outside the secret that was exchanged between us in confidence, could compel the information. The actual truth behind this incident was like a pledge of secrecy amongst ourselves, where this secret had to be kept. This secrecy was like a mutual promise between my brother and I. With the random questions my mom would ask, made us aware of her feeling towards us and the incident, the feeling that we were both lying. ALLUDE TO BLEVENS.

 

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL.

Secrets/Revelations Blog Post

While in high school, one of my best friends became involved with a boy from our graduating class WHOM she had been friends with since middle school. I was so happy for them but I remember her twin sister being keenly skeptical about it because he had just gotten out of an on and off relationship. After a few months, things took a turn for the worse and I was faced with having to keep a secret from my best friend’s family. The boy had manipulated my best friend all along. He took advantage of her in the worse way and made her believe he cared for her, when in truth he did not. His cruel motive was to make his ex-girlfriend jealous, in hopes that him “being with someone else” would lure her back (which it did, and they are still together). Through it all, my best friend masked her feelings of heartache and humiliation because she did not want her family to know about the boy’s wrongful doings and the damaging effect it had on her. Out of paranoia, she developed slight anxiety and avoided most social media (she still does to this day) so as to not encounter anything relating the boy and his girlfriend.

My best friend asked me not to share anything about that happened between them or the degree to which it affected her. The only ones that knew about how the boy had taken advantage of her was myself and her twin sister. She is rather close to her family; therefore, I was surprised that she did not want them to know. Though I was worried about her, I pledged to keep this situation a secret. The experience was cumbersome for us that knew the secret. I frequented the twins’ house often and I recall their mother and father’s suspicions since they had noticed a change of character in my friend; she was often on edge and sullen. Worried, their Mother questioned whether I knew what was going on. Their father even asked me if I knew anything of the boy and if something had happened between them. This persisted for quite some time. I felt guilty acting clueless each time they asked because I knew they simply wanted to console their daughter.

Looking back at this situation, I see how secrecy, to lying and confidentiality converged. MENTION BLEVENS .It all began with the boy’s hurtful and selfish intentions that he kept secret. He then weaved lies that portrayed the idea that he was sincerely enamored. Once everything went downhill, my best friend’s attempt to hide the situation and keep it from her family resulted in secrecy. Her confiding in me and her twin and us agreeing to keep the secret was an act of confidentiality. I lied when I was evading their parent’s probes. It is astonishing how much weight this scenario placed on my friend and her confidantes. The simple act from the boy became a complex web of secrecy, lying and confidentiality.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL. YOU WROTE A DIARY ENTRY.

I’ve got a secret – Holyeins Canales

A little over two years ago, my cousin’s step sister confided in me that she got pregnant; she was 16.

Her name is Ana and I’ve known her since she was 12. It was noticeable in middle school but especially in high school she was very bright and athletic; loved to be center of attention. During her sophomore year, she contacted me after soccer practice and asked if I could take her home, and so I did. In the car-ride there was the routine “how are you, how’s the high school life?” chit-chat. I teased about boyfriends and admirers to which she became flustered and embarrassed, and in the silence after laughter, abruptly confessed “I’m pregnant”. My heart sank.

As we pulled up to her driveway, she continued to say it was her first time and he was senior so she thought it would be fine; what cruel irony. As her eyes swelled, I asked if her parents knew to which she obscurely replied with a head-shake. She was two months pregnant and wanted no one to know; she was postponing the inevitable. As I sat there I couldn’t do much more than to reassure her everything would be okay. She was neither the first nor would she be the last in this journey.

Back at home that night, my mom told me she had received a call from her parents asking why she was crying so heavily and if she knew anything, to which of course, she didn’t. I followed up with “we got into a deep conversation while catching up, that’s all”. That didn’t convince her, as apparently she had not stopped crying and didn’t have much of an appetite that night either. Luckily she didn’t press any further.

Before bed, I received a text from her saying she told her parents; they did not take it well. She was stuck in a toxic house since before pregnancy. They were messy, overweight alcoholics who thankfully were non-physically violent but erupted with the playbook of insults I would assume. The next day they called and asked me if I knew the senior she was dating because they wanted to have a word. Ana kept my name out of it and used that as an excuse to reach him but, to no avail on my part.

For the months to come, their parents did meet. His parents were heavily involved in church and thus insisted on keeping the kid and offered shelter Ana’s parents didn’t. There was no baby shower to be invited to and still many don’t know of what became of her; she disappeared to many. After birth, she moved in with the boy’s parents, both sharing in hardship. That didn’t stop her from completing high school however; she graduates in June. Eventually I was able to see her and meet the lad on the kid’s first birthday.

My mom doesn’t know but I figure she will eventually, just not from me. I look back and ask why the secrecy. Yes, there would be judgement, but support would overshadow the snarky looks. Were her parents so embarrassed by her, they prefer to turn a blind eye? I speak from a narrow window when I say, embrace it. Everyone has one major mistake in their life and this was hers. Look to the positives, they’re grandparents, they can enjoy their grandchild from a young age, she’s matured because of it, more responsible and can speak of her experience to other teen moms and new moms about how to take care of baby.  Own and make do with the circumstance.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL. YOU WROTE A DIARY ENTRY. YOU DIDN’T ENGAGE THE LECTURE CONCEPTS AT ALL.

Why we lie

By Zue Lopez Diaz

It is ideal to be ‘honest’. Whether it is part of someone’s religion or simply out of a personal moral code, many strive to lie as little as possible. At least I, no matter what the circumstance, try not to lie unless absolutely necessary. Yet the circumstance of lying for someone else, and not for yourself, can rapidly change the way we think on the subject. Many of us might more easily be persuaded to keep another’s secret than our own.

After analyzing a specific, small and trivial time in my life when I happened to lie for the sake of someone else, I have realized that not only do I have a specific set of circumstances in lying for others than when I do when I only keep a secret for myself, I distinctly keep another’s secret because of empathy, lack of knowledge, and social constructs imposed on us by society.

Some time ago I spent the night at my anonymous friend’s house, L. It was an out of the blue decision, and therefore I had to use her clothes the next day. When asked about it by other two friends, M and S, I was about to explain to them that I had stayed over L’s house unexpectedly and had needed to borrow clothes, but I saw her shake her head behind their shoulders.

This was an isolated event, as I had never seen L want to keep something from them before, so I stopped in my tracks and simply said it was a new shirt, the entire time not understanding why she would ask me to do such a thing. However, I didn’t ask questions. To this day I don’t know why I couldn’t tell them I had slept over her house.

It is obvious to me that I lie more easily for others than I do for myself. We could attribute much of this because of empathy, which comes as a side effect of loyalty to someone. In many ways, those you are loyal to and that you care about are an extension of yourself, yet independent enough that you assume there is a reason behind what they are doing. This empathy brings an assumption of reason and rationality to your lie. USE THE BLEVENS LECTURE TO SUPPORT THESE CONCLUSIONS.

This happens because when it is another’s secret, there is an innate lack of information on the subject, and it is easy to assume that if you had all the information you would do the same. A human error, in many ways, this assumption is that you don’t know what else they’re holding back that might be impactful in some way, and leads to an easier route to lying.

Those are reasons why we might keep the secret for others in the long-run, yet in the short-run I find there to be a much simpler explanation for why I went along with the lie. In the heat of the moment, my immediate reaction was not to say anything and I attribute the quick reaction to the simple socially created construction of the idea that being a ‘snitch’ is inherently bad, an idea that is hard to dispel once it is so insistently placed before you.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL. YOU WROTE A DIARY ENTRY. YOU DIDN’T ENGAGE THE LECTURE CONCEPTS AT ALL.