Secrets

Thesis Statement: Confidentiality regarding other people’s business is crucial.

 

Thinking about a secret that I’ve kept to write about for this assignment was challenging. I am pretty much an open book so I really had to find something from my past that challenged my ability to keep something confidential. Back in high school is when I met a very tight knit group of friends. We became very close and we did everything together. Mostly all of our classes were the same so we were able to work on projects and homework together. We went to football games and enjoyed after school activities. It was a group consisting of me, two girls, and three guys. I started to notice that one of the girls and one of the guys in our group started to get very close. They would hang out without us and do other things apart from the group. Nobody else in this friend group noticed except for me. At this point, I was so happy with my group and our chemistry that I didn’t want anything to mess it up. I was so scared that if two people started dating, it would ruin the chemistry. Especially if they broke up, our group would be split in two and other friends would be forced to pick sides. Nobody else in the group noticed them flirting, so I was torn between telling the other people in my group what I was observing, or letting their business be. I felt a certain loyalty towards my group to tell them what I was noticing, but I also had to remember that they deserve privacy. Others were not trying to penetrate the secret, but instead, I was debating on whether or not I should penetrate their secret. They actually ended up telling the group later that they were dating and everything ended up okay. I did not end up telling the secret, although I felt obligated to be truthful with the rest if it had the potential to affect our chemistry.

 

GOOD. SHORT AND NEEDS SEPARATE PARAGRAPHS AND MORE ANALYSIS.

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The End Of Solitude

After reading the article, “The End of Solitude” by Deresiewicz, I have a better understanding of the effects solitude when it comes to separating yourself from the outside world through social media. After putting myself through the social media blackout, I felt a few of the effect that Deresiewicz described. He describes that we need to be connected in order to survive. I agree with that. He also describes the fear of the unknown and that we basically all need to be informed. This is very true as well which I experienced during my black out. I had a mild fear not knowing what was going on around the world. I also felt very anxious in the beginning. We live in a world where we have all the information we ever need at our fingertips. My morning routine consists of waking up, rolling over to my night table, and checking my phone. I usually have a bunch of emails and other notifications. I also check the weather and watch morning news while eating breakfast. I was a little anxious not knowing how to dress for the day because I didn’t know what the weather was like. Every time I went to pick up my phone to check my Instagram, I felt anxious because I had to remind myself that I was on a blackout. In this day and age, social media has become such a big part of our lives. It was almost a habit that I needed to pick up my phone and check my social media pages every 20 minutes. I had to walk out of the room when my dad was watching football and ESPN because I wanted to truly feel what it was like to be on a total blackout from all things news and social media. I actually felt the need to get ahead on school work because I had nothing else to do. I filled in the gaps with this activity. The news is definitely and intrusion of our solitude. The news, whether it is local or worldwide, is very important to our lives. It gives us insight on what is going on in the world. For example, Florida and other surrounding areas got hit by major hurricanes this season. If we didn’t have news to warn us about the natural disaster, we would have been in much worse conditions. We had to prepare ourselves and families for the hurricane. It also gives us up to date knowledge on everything that has to do with politics. The news keeps us prepared and somewhat safe. I am glad I did this black out because it made me do a self reflection on solitude and social media.  VERY WELL DONE. YOU NEED TO ADD TEAM AND GROUP SO I CAN FIND YOU.

Nikita Borisenko Secrecy

Keeping someone’s embarrassing secret hurt judgement of the person with whom secret was shared as result the secret keeper may hurt the owner of the secret by concealing it rather than revealing it.

I used to know one boy back in my teens, he was about my age at the time (around 11 years old) TEENS START AT 13 JUST FYI  and we weren’t best friends, but we lived in the same neighborhood and knew each other. We talked from time to time and maybe because we were similar in our behavior, both of us were quite kids (for very different reason as I learned), he told me what was going on in his life after I promised that I won’t tell anyone. As I learned his father was very abusive, it was worst when he was drinking (which apparently was often). Boy’s mother was in hospital since he was a little kid with some sort of disease, don’t really remember all the details, and his father was blaming the kid for that and beat him. He showed me the bruises that he had, which as I can say now were very “smartly” planted as they were not visible since they were planted on his torso. This boy never went to the beach, he was silent, distant and as he told me was very embarrassed of what was happening to him and didn’t want everyone to know, yet “felt that he need to share with somebody.” I was shocked with what was just thrown at me and of course I promised that I won’t tell anyone about what he just shared with me. HOW AWFUL

It is very hard to remember if I felt empowered by that, yet I thought that it empowered the boy. And it did at the beginning, we started to hang out more often, he had reason to avoid home and since I was bearing his secret there was sort of bond between us now. Probably, the desire to be intimate with someone was strong enough in me that allowed me to keep his secret. However, after a few months he became distant again. Teacher in school were trying to penetrate the secret by asking me if I knew what was going on with the boy (since we started to spend more time together). Of course, I lied that I had no idea what was happening and at the time I thought that by protecting his secret I would help him to protect his personal space, as well as gain his respect. I felt the prima facie duty, even though there were no “contract” of sorts, I felt compelled to keep his secret. CLASS CONCEPTS USED AND GOOD ANALYSIS

Since I didn’t reveal the secret the more secrets followed creating more lies. The boy started to sniff glue, I knew it, yet kept it secret. It became very hard to lie about at certain point, as the simplest question that I would be asked at school was why he not in class today, and I would just be lying by saying that he is sick or had to go out of city with his father. The prima facie duty destroyed clear judgement in my head, I kept his secret just because I promised I would. As a result, instead of helping him by protecting his secret and giving him sort of closure that he is not alone, I hurt him to the point of no return. He hanged himself at the age of 14, we were almost finished with our 8th grade. I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THIS OUTCOME. YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB ON THE ASSIGNMENT.

Secrets by Thais Marques

Thesis: The lies we distort in order to cover ourselves in the name of keeping a secret, often can do more harm than the secret itself. GOOD THESIS STATEMENT

After thinking long and hard about being in a situation where I was compelled to lie, I remembered about one that had affected me and my close friend in a very negative way. Two years ago, I was a freshman at UMASS Dartmouth. One of my friends from high school ended up going to the same university. We were already friends in high school but grew closer our freshman year.  She started talking to this guy that she met at a party. He did not even go to our school so he stayed in her dorm a lot. Their relationship was very unusual and he did not seem like he was right for her but I was the only one that thought that. Every time I mentioned that to her she brushed it off so I stopped and let her figure it out on her own. Months went by and they were still together. However, fighting became more common between them and I noticed she was sad and upset more then she seemed happy. You could tell she knew I was right but just did not want to believe it. Another month passed and the most shocking act happened and I could not believe my eyes.

All my assumptions became true. She was getting beat up, grabbed, pushed, and just physically abused by her boyfriend who stated that he “loved” her to the point where she was bruised up. I had walked in her room and seen it with my own eyes. I had seen in their eyes how scared both of them were that I had just witnessed everything. I immediately told him to leave or I was calling the police. He had left and my friend broke down in tears. I have never been in a situation where me or any of my friends were physically abused so I was not aware of how to really handle that. After I cleaned her own blood off of her and helped her change, she begged me to not tell anyone and to keep this a secret. She was convinced that her boyfriend loved her and did not mean to hurt her. I thought she was crazy to even stay with anyone that hurt her mentally, let alone physically. Even though my beliefs went against me lying about this situation, I did it anyways. I kept her secret and just kept my mouth shut but only if she promised me it would not happen again. I only did this to keep both of them out of trouble. Things started to get more obvious that she was being abused. Since I was her closest friend at the time, other people started to come up to me and ask me if she was ok. I had said everything was fine and made up lies to protect her secret. However, not only was I allowing my friend to get physically abused, I was also lying drastically for her. Eventually he hurt her really bad and had put her in the ER. That was the last straw and I could not let it go on any longer. I told an authority about the situation and had him banned from being on campus. It ended our friendship but it was the right thing to do and I hated myself for not doing it sooner. (GOOD FOR YOU.)

When I looked back at this specific situation, I learned that no matter what anyone asks you to do, if someone else is in harm because of lies that are being told, the secret is not worth to keep. Keeping this secret made me feel horrible and wrong. It killed me inside and it made my freshman year a living hell. I learned my lesson and that’s to help someone in need even when they do not want it themselves. COMPELLING EXAMPLE AND WELL WRITTEN. SOME MORE ANALYSIS AND CONCEPTS FROM LECTURE COULD HAVE BEEN INCLUDED BUT OVER ALL GREAT WORK.

I’ve got a secret-Alondra Nieves

The idea is usually “Honesty is the best policy”, but the reality is that secrets cannot be kept with such honesty.There are not many times in my life where I have had put myself in a situation to lie–that is, thus far. This goes of course without saying the times where the secret I preferred to keep in secrecy was compromised to the the point where lying was the only option. One of them being during my first semester of college, which was my first of many other things; such as, living on my own, being four hours or more away from family or any source of supervision and of course my first college party/outing with friends. During this particular point in my newly established “adulthood”, I found myself hardly having to lie to my parents as I was more simply not saying the whole truth in itself. For example, “I am with my roommates in our room right now”,  although it was true, did not disclose the fact that were in our room getting ready to leave completely off campus. (CLASSIC)

However, the time were I was caught not sharing the entirety of my so called truth was when my mom had made an unexpected call that I felt I could answer and get away with–despite that I was already on the way to a party about forty minutes from campus. As all mothers do, she began to interrogate my intentions as to where I was going so late at night (10:30 PM),who was I with and why was I going there. I answered nervously because I realized that for once I had to lie to someone I had never felt the need to lie to before.  

The reality of the situation was that I was not on my way to friend’s off campus adult supervised house, I was not with people that I knew from highschool and I was not on the way to hang out and study. All of this was clearly understood by my mother even though she was 400 miles on the opposite of the peninsula. She began asking for names of who I was with (to which I gave of were old friends from back home that she had never met), my exact destined location( to which I described as fifteen to twenty minutes off campus) and if I had class the next day (to which I replied that it had been canceled).  After enough convincing, she had no choice but to submit to the lie I had created and once we ended the phone call the mixed feelings I had were that of relief, slight guilt and most of all a sense of  empowerment that fueled my mentality that my secret would be secure. STRONG ANALYSIS OF YOUR FEELINGS ENTWINED IN THE LIES. It was the feeling that was unfamiliar but at the time it was the only way to hide the truth that could not be revealed to a mother whose nest is almost empty as it is.

In End of Solitude

When reading the article, “The End of Solitude”, Deresiewicz’s perspective of the decline in our society’s desire for solitude can be seen through everyday life especially in our modern society. At first, I could not understand what Deresiewicz’s meant when he was describing the new fears of our current society saying, “But we no longer live in the modernist city, and our great fear is not submersion by the mass but isolation from the herd.” Then, it was when I realized that it is the same as a more current translation of just simply fear of missing out. Whether this be of knowing of current topics, social media, the weather or even the news around the world–not knowing is the “fear” we experience as a society. It is the connectivity of our world that seems to fuel our constant “skimming” minds as we go through different websites even if we are not absorbing what we are reading or seeing. It has come to the point where our need for just being connected has dictated any source of solidarity that could give us space from the constant information streaming from our fingertips. GOOD INSIGHT  It was when I separated myself during the partial solitude did I begin to realize that actuality of the Deresiewicz article. I was not anxious but I was definitely at a feeling of loss. I was lost in conversation during most interactions and it was in those moments that I noticed how often we reference these interactions with what see on the internet or what we hear on the media. Even when it came to weather, the constant raining and humidity would be a surprise. I began to really analyze how much others were constantly connecting themselves around me and how it would make me feel like I needed to be connected as well. My solidarity made more interested in pursuing interactions with others to hear what I seem to be missing. It made me realize how much happens within 48 hours and how little we spend time discussing it before the next update happens.  GOOD It was almost as if my world was made quiet without my phone or laptop notifications keeping me up to date with news stories or celebrity happenings or the new events happening in the area. Usually on an afternoon alone in my apartment, I would browse or skim through multiple applications and from there decide what I would do next. During this solitude however, I felt myself substituting these normal activities for other social things so I would at least feel like I am interacting with others in some way and be updated on what was going. In all, my “solidarity” lacked isolation from others–which made me understand the perspective of the concept of how being alone has become less desirable. In this case, it is almost like we avoid being alone until we truly feel like we have had enough. There is we seem to appreciate “alone time” but the division of such alone time does not compare to how often we seek constant information. SEPARATE PARAGRAPHS

Nikita Borisenko 48-hour News Blackout

To start with, this 48 hours news blackout wasn’t challenging for me. As a matter of fact, I prefer to avoid watching or reading news on daily basis. About once a week when I have enough free time on my hands I may search for something specific. Possibly because of that habit it will be hard for me to observe real difference between being up to date and being cut off form news world, yet I will explain why I started doing that.

First, I noticed that listening to the news on daily basis makes me anxious, and I spend much more time thinking about what happened somewhere far away and discussing news with my friends, yet this discussion reminded more of the “here’s my opinion on this matter” conversation, where people where throwing their thoughts at you based on there moral and little knowledge of the event limited by the information presented by news. So, not only the time spent “discussing” new events was unproductive, it also was the time one could you use for solitude. Among many things, when I was avoiding news, I noticed that in my head I come back to the thoughts that were slipping my mind before. I started to meet with my friends only once or twice a week (of course when I wasn’t in school), and since I never truly was interested in Facebook, twitter and other social media I was pretty much cut off from the world, spending my time reading or just staring though the window.

One of the biggest things that started happening is that I started to understand science like never before. If before I would just memorize the formula or term and use it during the exam, now I could break it down and make sense out of it. Thus, solitude allowed me to think on my own rather than accept ideas of others as one and only reality. It also, lead me to notice that news will change based on the media that you use, thus I concluded that all of the media is biased. The news create a big intrusion of our solitude, or rather news of our time, because on daily basis we have to deal with unstoppable influx of news throughout the day, television at home, radio in your car, newspaper at work, your friends telling you what they heard or saw somewhere, simply overhearing conversation of other people who discussed events of the last week. GOOD ANALYSIS.

Overall, we receive a lot of information (in its raw form) yet we don’t process it ourselves, but take it in as a ready product. And that what leads people to make bad decisions. Something that was meant to be ultimate good became evil. Instead of making people smarter and well informed, this constant income of news created robots that will receive information and will replay it back at you, without processing it. Thus, solitude is the necessary tool for ones thinking abilities. It is the solitude that will allow men to look in their mind and learn (or at least try to understand) how to use. DIFFERENT APPROACH TO ASSIGNMENT BASED ON A VERY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. GOOD JOB.