Secrecy

Being a secret keeper holds great power. I say this because the information you’re withholding has the ability to change another person’s perspective and opinions towards another. The decision to keep someone from knowing something can not only change a person’s view, but it can also change a person’s feelings and decisions. Working with my morals and ethics, I can justify keeping a secret, if it is to keep the overall peace between all parties.

There’s situations in life where we know we shouldn’t look for something we don’t wanna find, and it just so happens that whenever you’re looking for something with this intention, you always find whatever it is you were avoiding. This was the scenario I took part in when I looked through my father’s cellphone. It’s not usual of me to pry into the business of others; however, I am aware of times when energies change, and I also respect my gut feeling. These were my valid excuses for looking through this man’s phone, which until today, I wish I would have been wrong.

My father, who has been married for over 24 years, had been entertaining another woman via phone calls and text messages. When I confronted him about what I had discovered, he first became highly defensive and hostile, later he became apologetic and feared that I would tell my mother about his secret. During this time, their relationship needed much work and effort from both sides, we were going through financial issues and my mother had just recovered from surgery.

It infuriated me to know that he was disrespecting our family, especially in the sensitive time that we were going through. As a woman and a daughter, I wanted to protect my mother but I was confused; would I be protecting her by not telling her about this secret and keeping the family at peace? Or would revealing this secret be the last straw she could take from him before she left him? I had been avoiding thinking about this secret I was keeping for my father, I avoided it for a over two months, until I finally broke my silence.

The person that I am tries to be consistent and aligned with my ethics and morals. I knew that keeping this secret was wrong because I was letting my father get away with his wrongdoing. It took some time of reflection and analyzing, during this time, I realized that the only way to get back my peace of mind and discard this feeling of grudge and disappointment I was feeling towards my father, was to explain to my mom the secret I had been keeping from her.

During the two months that I had been quiet about this, I knew that I needed to asses the situation logically, it was necessary to set my feelings aside and recognize that we are all sinners, we all get influenced by temporary feelings and it causes us to make decisions that we would normally not do if a certain situation was different. I recognized that my father had been a good man to me and my mother, I recognized he made a mistake; however, it saddened me to acknowledge that my respect for him would never be the same again. GOOD ANALYSIS

Secrecy is powerful, secret information, when leaked to the person it is avoiding, can be dangerous. It has the ability to change how someone acts towards you, it can make someone become more doubtful of you and lose respect for you. This is why it is essential to be able to decipher when a lie is being told, not only for your own benefit, but also because one should always be aware of the company they are keeping. Analyzing whether a secret was being kept from you to “protect” you, or whether it was being kept from you out of negative intentions. Either way, we should always work alongside our own personal ethics, for in the long run, this is what reveals our true character. GOOD: A BIT TOO LONG AND ALSO LATE. WELL WRITTEN AND ANALYZED.

 

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Secrecy

Secrecy is an important part of today’s society. Basically every individual and every entity/group of people holds secrets that only a select inner circle must keep. Keeping secrets between the source and those who know is the key to trust in a relationship and intimacy. I have been trusted with many secrets throughout my lifetime but one that has stuck out to me is of my brother. A few years ago, my brother– from a previous relationship my father had with a woman before meeting my mother– had moved from Mexico to Florida, being granted a visa sponsored by my parents. My family agreed to house him in order to get him on his feet in the States. We spoke to him frequently prior to his arrival so we were familiar with him. When he moved here, I shared my room with him. Almost immediately, my brother earned a well paying job in his field of study and he even began paying his own bills as he grew accustomed to the US standard of living. On many occasions, my father tried to introduce him to various women in his age group that we knew from church. Nothing would make my father happier than seeing him settle down with a Christian woman; however he seemed to never pursue them or show any interest, choosing instead to hang out with friends he met in his favorite restaurants and at his workplace.

He liked to go out and would talk his friends at night via Skype or phone call as I minded my own business in our room. One day I had made small talk with him and asked if he was getting serious with anyone. He shied from my question until he admitted to me that he didn’t intend on dating any of the women my father suggested to him. He had come out to me, and only me, in fear of how my father would react. His fear wasn’t misplaced; my parents had a strong religious background and my brother hadn’t told anyone at the time except for close friends. He confided his secret in me, knowing I would never tell my parents. Keeping this secret wasn’t as hard as I had originally thought. I was used to it already with my younger brother and sister. I, too, at the time had secrets I kept from them, as all people my age do. But eventually they did find out and confront him about it via gossip from a restaurant owner they knew, one who owned a restaurant my brother would visit with his friends. Tension did follow with my father pressuring him to convert his lifestyle. He asked me on multiple occasions if I ever knew or had the clues before, but I knew staying silent would be the wiser choice. I felt compelled to protect my brother and his lifestyle from my father and his irrational judgement, and I wouldn’t let him down. WELL WRITTEN. MORE CLASS CONCEPTS COULD HAVE BEEN USED IN THE ANALYSIS BUT GOOD EXAMPLE.

A surprise party for a farewell, hard to set up and even more complicated to keep a secret.

Thesis statement: A surprise party for a farewell, hard to set up and even more complicated to keep a secret.

One situation where I was compelled to lie and keep a secret was a surprise farewell party for a friend who was leaving the country.  The main issue was that I was the closest friend and had to lie several times during the following weeks while everything was being set up. During this time my friend knew I was lying for several things and kept asking when my lies were obvious but managed to deflect the attention as much as I could while I needed to choose other people with whom to share the secret and make sure no one will leak the secret which felt like a lot of power for such a small event.

I was not the only one as other friends of hers were also on the secret and we kept working with her sister to make sure she would not find out until the party. During this time, I spoke to her sister and other friends which allowed us to prepare the party on her own house without her finding out, the parents were told in the last few days and they agreed to take her out to a movie theater which allowed us to set up the last parts of the party and scare her with the big surprise when she arrived at her house.

Other friends were trying to know what we were working on and even some talked to the friend that was leaving about someone planning something which almost ruined the party, people trying to know what was the secret became a problem which made us push the celebration a couple of days earlier as someone told our friend about someone throwing a party for her farewell and she talked about the idea and decided to make a reunion so we had no way to back her down for trying to organize one.

Even though it was just an innocent lie, it was a group effort and I can admit that me and the other few friends felt that we had some power during those moments and we talked about that, as at the end of the party our friend talked on how she suspected something and was sad people were either avoiding her in fear to leak the secret or to work fast on the party while the group that was setting the party up spoke with awe as they were able to avoid suspicion and keep it all a secret. GOOD ANALYSIS

Thanks to secrecy we managed to surprise our friend with a good farewell in her new endeavors in another continent. With this experience one can say that confidentiality is important, it allows us to do good, but also do bad. And one thing about secrecy is that trust must exist, the lack of trust would mean that someone would suspect you are keeping a secret and think either bad ideas of what you are keeping a secret or misinterpret your own intentions which would result in big miscommunications.

 

Secrets/Revelations

Although there are unlimited reasons people lie to others, the main reasons people lie are to protect themselves or the people they love.

Throughout one’s life, there are several different version of lies people tell in order to get throughout their day. Some might be bigger than others, however, there are usually several versions of the truth that society deviates to in order to get by.

Although there are unlimited reasons for people to lie, one of the biggest reason as to why I have lied in the past is to protect myself or someone I love. Recently, one of my friends confided in me through some issue she and her family where going through. We were on a phone call when she told me everything they were going through and I was in the car parked outside of my boyfriend’s house. As we hung up the phone, I dried up my tears to the best of my ability and tied to look as fresh as possible to refrain getting asked why I was crying. As I walked into his house, him along with his family immediately noticed I had been crying and asked why. So, I lied. To him and to his family in order to protect my friend.

I had told them that I was crying because I had gotten in an argument with my sister in order to deviate from what had actually happened. Although I lied to people I care about a lot because I knew it was not my information to share. I made a promise to my friend and although lying in not  a respectable quality, it changed nothing in their lives and protected someone I love. Thinking back at the incident I realized that I was lying in order to keep something confidential which was when I understood the relationship these two traits have. GOOD Through confidentially, whether it be with your lawyer or your doctor, people are agreeing to refrain from disclosing information with people they care about, regardless of who they are.

The way we intake information depends on the information we are receiving. If one is listening to a funny story about their day or perhaps gossip about another person, they might listen to the story in hopes of telling someone else. If one is listening to information they have to keep quiet about and be discreet, the way they think about it is drastically differently because they do not have to think about how it could affect them or others, they simply cannot share the information. GOOD USE OF CONCEPTS AND ANALYSIS

 

 

I Have a Secret

THESIS: My mother had asked me to keep a secret from my grandmother and my oldest sister. The experience was not empowering to anyone, outsiders were trying to crack the secret, and it left a burden on me- feeling extremely anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed with the whole situation.

For the purpose of this assignment, I’m supposed to think about a situation in my life in which I felt compelled to lie to keep a secret or protect a person to whom you promised confidentiality. My situation is in a family environment. My mother had asked me to keep a secret from my grandmother and my oldest sister. The experience was not empowering to anyone, outsiders were trying to crack the secret, and it left a burden on me feeling extremely anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed with the whole situation.

My grandmother, Mima, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer two years ago. After a year of extensive chemotherapy, thankfully she was fully recovered and cancer free. Three months after her success, she was re-examined after she had been off chemotherapy after surviving pancreatic cancer. The doctor revealed the saddening news that the cancer had came back, but this time not only in her pancreas, it had now spread to her liver.

Another year of vigorous chemotherapy, which did not get rid of any of the tumors, but rather just maintain them. Two years of chemotherapy and 3 surgeries to remove very serious tumors, Mima had another check-up where the doctor revealed to my mother that the cancer had metastasized to her lung. The doctor we see speaks English and Mima only speaks Spanish. My mother had specifically asked the doctor to not reveal the news to Mima because it was only going to discourage her from continuing the chemo and just give up.

My mother had an extremely difficult time keeping this to herself. My mother sees my father, my middle sister, and I as intimates, where she tells us everything and revealed the scary news. My oldest sister is in law school and is studying for the bar and cracks under pressure and stress, so my mother asked us not to tell her either.

My oldest sister noticed how on-edge every one was, especially after Mima’s appointment. She knew something was up. Especially with the holidays coming up, my oldest sister planned a trip with her boyfriend’s family to go out of time for thanksgiving. I found myself being extremely angry at her for skipping thanksgiving, the holiday we spend with Mima. She did not understand why I was so angry for her missing one holiday. Today, it is still causing problems around the house.

My family chose to keep this secret from my oldest sister until she takes the bar and from my grandmother so she does not lose any hope in continuing to fight. SORRY TO HEAR. GOOD USE OF CONCEPTS.

Disconnected from the world.


On Wednesday, 4th of October I stated the 48-hour disconnection from the news. This meant no Reddit, no CNN or any news channels, disabling all notifications from news app on my phone and computer and asking the groups where I usually chatted to avoid notifying me of news along ignoring a couple of my email accounts.

My first experience on the first day was a bit of anxiety, I use my free time to browse news on web-pages and read. Without this I had to have another activity to work my mind, mostly on games or taking care of the house. One small caveat of being disconnected from news of any type was going into a classroom where one of my classes was cancelled, and not finding out about my grades on a test if it weren’t by mere coincidence that another person from that class recognized me on a laboratory and told me that the grades were posted. Anxiety was present as I was following news stories before I started the activity

and wanted to fill in the gaps on any news I had read with any new information. Not only that but as I come from Venezuela, without news I was thinking what was happening regarding the latest events on the country.  INTERESTING

I could identify this experiences with the ones described by Deresiewicz as solitude, I was thinking about what were the news today, which means I was grieving the absence of information of the world, after all most of my free time is spend reading news articles about technology, politics and

economy. GOOD

After finishing the 48 hours on Friday morning, the first thing I did was read the news, and realized that

without just checking news of any type. I was disconnected from my social groups, as most of the subjects of talk were current events. The internet has become part of our life and we are fed information and news of any type each day, knowing this, being ignorant of any development on the world and the internet itself keeps you disconnected from other people on the internet or real life, as any event in the world that is being reported, becomes the subject of any casual conversation. Yet, News do create some solitude, it is not a complete intrusion nor it does not create solitude. News makes us think by ourselves and builds a small bubble of solitude. I can easily show an example on this case, People develop opinions on a news segment while others develop a contrasting opinion which in turn ends up isolating any of the two. For example: Those who think that privacy is a right and those who think that privacy is a luxury, one can simply say the argument that the government should not spy on us and someone else will say “but why, are you hiding something illegal?’ and this sparks some solitude in certain way, you isolate yourself from this person and then try to find another person that shares the same opinion, or is open to discussion of the subject, or even just stay alone with your opinion.

Watching the news is important, not only they give you the information you need to develop an opinion, they might affect you directly as any event currently happening might influence you. If a company you use gets hacked, or if the road you drive to has traffic, you may only know about this thanks to the news and be able to plan or respond accordingly. Solitude can be a great thing, but in this world and age, being isolated from information can be negative. GOOD ANALYSIS

48-Hour News Blackout

After reading the article “The End of Solitude,” I found myself agreeing or attesting to Deresiewicz’s case on how our digital information society is eliminating any hope or attempt of being alone. After reading the article, my task was to put myself in a Twilight Zone of partial solitude for 48 hours- meaning to disconnect myself from any form of digital interaction.

 

On a normal day, I am constantly on my phone, computer, or watching Netflix. It was extremely challenging to not use any of these devices, especially because everyone would non-stop talk about what was on in the news. I was going crazy at the thought that I had to isolate myself from everyone and even eat alone because that is all people were chatting about. My generation, as Deresiewicz mentions, was not raised to be comfortable or able to adapt to being bored.

 

The second I went to work, I explained the purpose of my assignment and for no one to discuss what was being said in the news. However, every single one of my co-workers had their eyes glued to the television and the only topic of conversation was what was being said on the news. I felt anxious and jittery and developed a fear of missing out. I also found myself constantly trying to find excuses to ease drop on their conversations about what was being presented in the news.

 

By the second day, I still had to isolate myself from the majority of conversations because again, the hot topic was whatever was revealed on the new about what happened the first 24 hours of my twilight zone.

 

Just as Deresiewicz mentions, I was terrified of being bored and did not find myself wanting to explore “the integrity of the self.” The more I experienced solitude, the more I found myself being anxious and scared. I completely agree that our use of technology seems to involve a continuous attempt to “stave off the possibility of solitutde.”

 

After 48 hours had passed, I was overwhelmed with the saddening events that was the hot topic while I was in my ‘twilight zone’. On the night of October 1, 2017, 58 people were killed and more than 500 injured in the Las Vegas shooting. Tom Petty had passed away at the age of 66 and Trump also visited Puerto Rico to provide relief from Hurricane Irma.   SAD. GREAT JOB ON THE ASSIGNMENT HOWEVER.