Secrecy – Jennifer

From the moment, a friend demanded that I keep a situation confidential and keep quiet, I knew that I would be stuck in a predicament and possibly hurt my reputation with those on the other side. Although this person was my friend, I felt compelled to do something. How could I protect this person and still be loyal to myself? It was a difficult situation, in no way, shape or form did I have any intentions of lying to my friend’s family and friends who were also my coworkers. I not only felt manipulated by the fact that I HAD to keep this secret, but I felt two-faced and most importantly I wasn’t being true to myself and my beliefs.

To make matters worse, the people I was being disloyal to were people I worked with. They gave me an opportunity and took me in as their family, yet here I was keeping a massive secret from them. I should note that this secret was not going to harm anyone in any way, it was only to protect my friend, but in the process hurt any connection I had with my coworkers if I had to lie. In this difficult time that lasted a couple months, I was approached by several people. They persistently asked what was going on, why this person had done this and that, and why he no longer was working at his job. As a mature and loyal person, I intended to keep my friend’s secret confidential. As stated in the concealment and secrecy lecture, secrecy did lower my resistance to the irrational and pathological. With no doubt, I had to put away the pathos and ethos and use a more rational appeal to surpass the situation. It wasn’t my place to lie and It wasn’t a good situation to reveal a secret. If I was going to lie, I’d need to justify why I didn’t say something earlier, why my friend was lying or keeping a secret, all of which I tried to avoid. I had a lot of power, I could easily break my promise with my friend and tell his secret or I could’ve lied to my coworkers. Instead, I simply decided to stay neutral in the situation, letting people know that I wasn’t sure and I wasn’t the best person to ask questions to.

To back up my facts on secrecy, AWKWARD. Edward Snowden who leaked confidential government information was in no way being rational. It was not his duty to leak any information. He displayed disloyalty and ruined his reputation among others in his line of work. This was a matter of privacy, and if the government was keeping a secret, it was not his position to act upon.

I’ve Got A Secret

Secrets, everyone has them, but how do they make us feel? THIS ISN’T A THESIS  I can recall one of the biggest secrets I have kept up to date, and it all started a few years ago. One hot summer day my boyfriend and I decided to go to the park. After being there for quite some time we decided it was time to go home since it looked as if it was about to rain. Since we were not far from my house I offered to drive us. On the way home a car ran a stop sign and crashed right into us. As we straggled to get out of the car we immediately noticed that his car had a significant amount of damage. As a result of the accident my boyfriend’s car was claimed as a total loss. At the time neither he or his parents had the money to get him another car. Instead his dad decided to fix up his cousins old broken down car and he gives it to him. The issue then came that the car would randomly turn off as he was driving it. Although the accident wasn’t my fault, I felt somewhat responsible since I was the one driving his car. I spoke with my parents and we decided that it was only right to help him get a new car. We spoke to my boyfriend about it and although he resisted at first, I eventually convinced him that it was okay to let us help him. We went on to sell the car his dad had given him and then I matched what they had given him at the dealer for the car. With that it gave us enough money to put a down payment on a truck he had been looking at in another dealership. We got the truck and he couldn’t have been happier. The only problem was that no one from his family could find out that I had helped him buy the truck. When we showed up at his house we had decided that the story was going to be that: the dealership gave us more for the car that his dad gave him than they actually did, and the truck cost less than what the other dealership actually sold it to us for, and that was how he was able to afford it. They were extremely skeptical at first and asked a lot of questions. They continuously tried poking holes in our story to try to get to the bottom of it. His siblings would come up to us individually and talk to us about it to see if they could get more out of the story. At first it was nerve wrecking, having them ask so many questions and trying to make sure no one found out. Although we were nervous at the first, we eventually got use to the questions, and it began to feel quite empowering having this secret that only we knew. As empowering as it may have felt, after a while they forgot about it and we felt that enough time had passed that if they did find out it would no longer be an issue. Slowly, through passing conversation, we told person after person the truth, and it was as if a weight had been lifted off of our shoulders. ALL YOU WROTE WAS A DIARY ENTRY…

YOU WROTE 562-WORD PARAGRAPH! I CAN’T READ THIS.

I’ve got a secret

Wuttke, Alexandria

From time to time, we are challenged and compelled to lie in order to keep a secret or protect a person to whom you promised confidentiality. A situation in my life where I felt like I had to keep a secret was when I was in high school and one of my closest friends confided in me that he was gay. Let’s call him John. It was extremely important that I kept John’s secret because he was not ready to disclose that information to other people, however I was at a crossroads because I was also very close friends with his “girlfriend” at the time. Let’s call her Jane. I remember advising him to tell Jane about his thoughts but he wasn’t ready to.

This secret was probably one of the most difficult I’ve had to keep simply because I was young and I wanted to be able to share it with Jane, but I also didn’t want to betray John’s trust. Especially since there were so many rumors going around about John’s sexuality and since I was one of his closest friends, a lot of outsiders tried to get me to confirm or deny the rumors. Not to brag, but I was well-known in high school; I was on the dance team and a lot of people knew who I was, so it wasn’t easy for me to keep secrets. Especially at that age, where it’s not uncommon for someone to want to fit in. I didn’t want to disappoint my other friends by not telling them, but at the same time I didn’t want to let John down either. (Not to mention that knowing this secret before even Jane made me feel powerful, like being privy to that information made me more important). YOU WRITE WITH CLARITY AND FORCE.

Looking back, it was silly of me to even think about telling other people. It would have been disrespectful to John’s privacy and dignity; it would have taken away from John’s autonomy and right to make those decisions for himself.  WELL PUT. In the end, I kept his secret and let him tell who he trusted when he was ready. By keeping his secret and lying to protect it, I protected John’s right to privacy. However, by keeping his secret and lying to protect it, I also hurt Jane. She was upset with me for not telling her sooner. Regardless, I don’t regret keeping that secret because in the end, it was John’s responsibility and right to disclose that information when he was ready to. And, it worked out because after all these years, I remain friends with both John and Jane. DID HE COME OUT TO JANE?

YOU DIDN’T ALLUDE TO BLEVENS’ LECTURE.

Lying (Diana Resendiz)

When I was younger my whole family were Jehovah Witnesses. They were the biggest believers they held a high title in the congregation. RUN-ON SENTENCE. I would have to lie to them every year when we had birthday parties. Since they don’t believe in celebrating any holiday besides baby showers and weddings, we had to pretend to not celebrate anything. Not only did I have to lie about birthday parties I also had to lie about watching movies with any sort of magic since they also didn’t believe in magic or witchcraft anything that isn’t considered normal.

Nobody really tried to penetrate the secret it was known in my house that the rest of the family couldn’t find out about our parties or the movies we watched. My parents didn’t let us celebrate anything until a couple years ago. It was very new and we made sure to keep from uploading anything to social media so the rest of the family wouldn’t figure out what we were doing.

Hiding secrets from my family are hard because since mostly everybody knows my family it would eventually leak. As a kid, I went to school with a couple of my cousins and we had the mutual friend and everyone knew that I loved Harry Potter. At the time, Harry Potter was still big and they were still releasing movies and I would attend the showings with my dad. I would talk about it with my friends and it eventually made it to my cousins and they would ask me and I would have to pretend like they are crazy.

Lying is hard and it takes many factors and you have to make sure you remember what you said and who you said it to.  Lying is a very stressful thing to do and it sucks when you have to do it to your own family about something that I do love. GOOD. CITE BLEVENS TO SUPPORT YOUR CONCLUSIONS. There is a lot of layers and steps that are a part of lying. Lying seems easy but in reality, it is very complicated and it takes time and a lot of thought. The world has a lot of secrets and just thinking how hard it was for me to figure out how to keep a secret from my family how hard it is for the government or other people to keep more serious secrets.

 

I’ve got a secret: Blog Post

 

Kai Green

When I was in high school one of my good friends, Jade, was going through a rough time in her life. She was suffering with depression and to cope, would drink excessively and do drugs. When I tried to find out what was causing this behavior, her response was always “Nothing.” So one day I decided to have a conservation with her, to help her through her personal struggles. We decided to grab dinner at our favorite restaurant and talk. At dinner she revealed to me that she way gay. This was a secret she hadn’t shared with anyone, including her parents. As her friend she pleaded with me to hide her secret from her friends, family and associates. As she wasn’t ready to come out as gay to her loved ones.

 

During the next few months after finding out Jade’s secret. The knowledge of this felt more like a burden, then a feeling of empowerment. It suddenly became my obligation to her, for me to lie to her family which I had a very close relationship with. Also to her boyfriend, Johnny, whom I’ve been friends with since the sixth grade. In our relationship it seemed as if she was more empowered because, she could continue putting on this façade with her loved ones. GOOD.  While I stood by her anxiously, having to watch anything I said so that I wouldn’t expose her.

 

Many people had their suspicions about Jade—mainly Johnny. When Jade began slowly distancing herself from Johnny, because she was pursuing other women.  He would approach me to find out what was going on. One day at lunch Johnny was anxious, after not hearing from Jade the entire weekend. He vented about his struggling relationship with her, and his feelings of disconnect on her end. He said, “Do you know what has been going on with her lately?” I replied, “I have no idea.” Jade’s parents approached me one day at church, and explained to me how Jade’s behavior had been very suspicious lately. They wanted to know if something was bothering her and hoped I would reveal her secret. Just as I lied to Johnny about Jade’s situation, I felt compelled to do the same thing to her parents.

 

Lying and keeping secrets from Jade’s loved ones, left me with an unsettling feeling. I became someone who was misleading and dishonest, with individuals I cared deeply for. This situation is directly related to the readings given this week. The readings addressed the interrelatedness of secrecy, confidentiality and lying. Each functions to help the other and cannot stand alone. As individuals we often use secrecy to protect lies and vice versa. Looking back on this experience with Jade, I understand the effect of these three factors on relationships. Although it felt wrong to lie and keep secrets from Jade’s loved ones. These intersections of secrecy, lying and confidentiality were used by me, in order to protect my friend from a compromising position. These three factors were a key component, to the way I processed Jade’s secret. Also how I planned on handling this information. GOOD.

 

Assignment 6: Reina Wright

My situation I remember where I felt compelled to lie I was protecting my coworker. I was working in a spa back home in Orlando as the front desk receptionist. I was in control of phone calls, booking appointments, checking in and out guests and more. I was very close to many of my co-workers, it was a great atmosphere to work in. I worked there for 2 years.

One co-worker in particular I was really close to out of the rest of them; we clicked and became friends. He would always do my hair for free, whether it was a cut, color or style. I was so grateful for him because these services are expensive and he was kind enough not to charge me. There was a few times he had some family members scheduled on the books and he would tell me to delete the appointment from the books after so they wouldn’t have to pay. Obviously, this was wrong but I felt compelled to do it because it was for his family and he told me to. I felt like I didn’t have a choice in the moment.My manager would ask me what happened to that appointment and I would have to tell her they never showed up.

In this situation, I felt compelled to lie for my co-worker because he was a good friend that would also help me out and he didn’t have bad intentions. I wanted to protect him from getting in trouble or possibly getting fired because I promised him confidentiality. The situation empowered me because I had the authority to change the scheduled appointments on the books, I was the one that had to cover for him and lie as to why the appointment wasn’t there anymore. From what I witnessed most of the other co-workers knew his family members would come in occasionally and they didn’t mind. Because whether or not his family members paid or not it didn’t affect their money, it affected my co-worker’s.Therefore there wasn’t anyone that tried to penetrate the secret.

This situation made me feel discomfort for many reasons, it was out of my character and tested my integrity. I was caught in the middle of doing what’s right or protecting my friend. GOOD — MENTION BLEVENS. The right thing would of been to say sorry I can’t do that because deleting an appointment that actually did show up would get me in trouble not him. Also, when I had the chance to tell the truth to my manager I should’ve done that, so I wouldn’t be put in that type of situation anymore.Looking back on this situation I wouldn’t do that again because at the end of the day that makes me look bad and it was out of my character.

Whatever You Hide, Eventually Comes to Light

During the course of high school, new relationships begin to form. One begins to experience and witness new things. Drama is practically inevitable. My senior year of high school I began dating a boy that I thought at the time would be my prince charming. I was very naïve and very innocent, not to mention young. I looked for the best in others regardless of what I saw. I had witnessed him cheat on every single girl he had dated up until me. Yet somehow I still thought he would treat me differently. During the course of our brief relationship I befriended his best friend, lets call him Mike. We got along great and Mike became someone I could always count on. He had just broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years because of her promiscuous ways with other guys. A few weeks after their break up, one of my friends called me in the middle of the night to tell me that my boyfriend at the time had hooked up with Mike’s girlfriend.

At the time I wanted to confront my boyfriend and tell Mike what I had just found out. I didn’t want to hurt Mike and I had promised not to tell anyone what I had just found out. I didn’t want him to feel the way I felt. I wanted to spare his feelings of knowing that his best friend could actually do that to him. I swore not to tell anyone or even confront my boyfriend about the hook up. The only thing I did was break up with my boyfriend and try to steer Mike away from that girl and my ex. I saw how hurt he was. I saw how much he cared about her. Every time I saw him I wanted to blurt out what those two had done to us but saw it best for everyone to keep it hidden. Secrecy can eat at you. I felt like I was exploding. Everyone around me wanted to find out what had happened and who cheated with who. The rumors got so wild that they even claimed that Mike and I had something behind the other twos backs.

Drama is everything in high school OH YES. and even people that you don’t know are trying to get into your business. My friend that had told me about the cheating couldn’t keep the secret she was trusted with and passed it on to me. Now I was trusted with that secret. Did I feel empowered? Now that I look back at it yes. I controlled the situation in a way that others wouldn’t find out, and my friend wouldn’t be even more hurt. Lies, secrecy and confidentiality can empower those that seek to choose those paths.  GOOD. NOW MENTION BLEVENS. However so much of it can push the person to eventually explode. Mikes ex eventually confessed and so did mine. One way or another the truth comes out.