Secrecy and Lies

When I started FIU I came in with a tight nit [SP: knit] [tight-knit] friend support system that included my Boyfriend, my friends Sueann and Roshawn. These are people I’ve known practically my entire life all of whom I was very fond of and cared for a lot. [new action, new paragraph] Once I moved into my dorm and got settled in [comma] I didn’t see my friends as much and spoke to them a little less frequently. Being in a new environment and away from my friends forced me to meet new people. During a residential meeting, I had a chance to meet my neighbors Sabine and Shanett. We formed a bond gradually and from there seemly it was smooth sailing. [new time, new paragraph] When room selection rolled around for the following year [comma] we decided to make sure that we pulled one another in so that we could be roommates. When we moved in the following semester [comma] I roomed with Sabine and Shanett had a room to herself. At this point I’d introduced my old friends to my new friends in attempt to combine my college life with my home life. [new action, new paragraph] What seemed to be going great didn’t turn out quite the way I expected. I found myself stuck in the middle of a very sticky yet delicate situation. One of my college friends, who was also now my roommate, found herself catching feelings [slang] for my friend Roshawn who was at the time dating Sueann and had been for a few years. That was only the beginning of my worries. [new action, new paragraph] It began to escalate quickly from both parties. They became intimate and it persisted for a while before it was even brought to my attention. All of this was a shock to me, here were two friends I’d been knowing [I had known] nearly all my life who were dating and a new friend who I lived with, which put me in a even more awkward position. [new time, new paragraph] Over time [comma] questions began to arise about the nature of Sabine and Roshawn’s relationship from Sueann and that’s where the lies began to come in. Now I had to lie to keep a secret but it did not make me feel empowered but in fact the complete opposite. I felt enslaved, two people counting on me to keep their dirty secret [Were you keeping secrets to protect their reputations?] and then another person trusting my word, trusting me to be a true friend and tell her what was really going on behind doors. [new action, new paragraph] I told a friend about the situation only because she was around so much and began to question the relationship herself. This friend did try to penetrate the secret, not by going to them herself but by trying to explain to me why I should tell. She explained to me that a friend that I’d been knowing for years should come first but she failed to realize that I’d known Roshawn longer and that it was to [SP: too] big of a secret to tell and in the end I’d still be in the hot seat because I’d known about the situation and I didn’t say anything for so long and in addition to that, I’d be telling the secret I’d promise not to tell [run-on sentence of 77 words]. I understand how secrecy, lies and confidently go hand in hand. I told a lie to keep a secret and I wasn’t able to tell the secret not only because of confidentiality and because of the backlash and uproar it would cause.

Does my perception align with reality?

In the beginning of the year, I noticed a change in my best friend’s family photos. I started to see that her dad was becoming less involved in her life. This was unusual because, [no comma] my 23-year-old bestie had the greatest relationship with her father. Her mom had not mentioned anything to me via text which made me assume that; [no semicolon] I was getting ahead of myself by formulating conclusions.

There is a greater story behind what I can perceive. I cannot come to a logical conclusion without knowing the reasoning that leads to the decisions my friend and her family have made.  I need to listen to her before hearing other voices that comment on the situation or, I will never reach the level of true analysis. [Relate the insights to the readings and lectures.]

Three weeks past [SP: passed] and, [no comma] there was still no sign of her dad. My best friend’s father is in entertainment industry so he must be traveling [comma] or so I thought. It wasn’t until her mom’s birthday dinner that I saw that my suspicions could be correct. All of the closest friends and relatives were there except the loving and caring husband, [no comma] who never misses an important family celebration.

 I began to worry.

My best friend knew my past and the difficulties I had to overcome with my own dad. So, I would think that in her own vulnerability she would come and confide in me if that were the case. I felt empowered to speak a word of encouragement into her current situation but how could I, [no comma] if I did not know if my thoughts were true. How could I mend a wound that might not need healing?  My best friend had the power in her hands to tell me the truth. I was waiting.

I wanted to know what was happening not to gossip about it but to aid and comfort her and her family.

“Hey! Is everything ok?” I said.

“I can really use a friend right now in these difficult times. There has been something I have been wanting to confide in you over the past month.” She [comma and lowercase] exclaimed.

“My dad cheated on my mom with another woman. He left the house and, He does not want to speak to me. “

“I have called him five times and, he does not answer. I have to admit that I am angry, ashamed, and confused.”

“What have I done?”

“He may not be a reliable husband right now but, I need him to still be my father.”

“Pray for me and, don’t tell anyone else.”  She said.

I was speechless.

 

Nothing seemed chaotic about her parent’s marriage. In fact, I admired how after 27 years, her dad would always take Alba on a date every Saturday. He remembered the little things whether it was flowers or her favorite wine.

[How did the experience empower you, the other person, or both of you?]

No one was asking the status of her parent’s [punctuation: parents’] marriage so keeping confidentiality was not going to be an issue. [Relate to class: A secret does not require a lie.]

I would never compromise my integrity and my relationship with the family for something in exchange. [Relate to class: You kept a confidentiality out of a prima facie duty and to show loyalty to a family.] 

Unlike Judas Iscariot, my lips are sealed.

I’ve Got a Secret – Murakhovsky, Alexandra

I am currently employed as the Operations Manager at a spa management company. Responsibilities of mine include organizing the facility, inventory, compiling weekly reports, day-to-day operations, and most importantly – according to my boss – managing the schedule. I play an important role when my boss needs to fire or hire someone since I hold the skeleton key to scheduling and employees’ performance evaluations. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] With the power that I hold, it’s important for me to keep a professional relationship with the employees, as well as remain impartial during the scheduling process. I wish I had known how difficult this position would have been before my friend and I both started working at the company at the same time. [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.] 

Before my promotion, my friend Jane* and I had been hired as entering employees and had the same opportunities to work up the ladder. Fortunately, I was promoted to my current position as Operations Manager after only six months. The relationship with my boss was fluid and we worked well together, so I had no problems helping him professionally and at times, being a close confidant. As I worked closer with my boss, Jane found herself comfortable enough to call out from work more often and not put in one hundred percent effort like she once had.

My boss, knowing that Jane and I are friends, confided in me that during the next month’s scheduling to cut her hours in half, with intentions to have her quit so my boss wouldn’t have to pay her a severance package. Honestly, I didn’t mind too much because Jane had become a nasty worker with a lazy work ethic, a side to her I’ve never seen before.

I felt extremely empowered to be as trusted as I was by my boss. In a strange way, I was on a power trip that only him [case: he] and I knew about, but I couldn’t shake the guilty feeling of betraying an acquaintance [Did you feel a sense of loyalty, guilt or anxiety? Were you angry at having to lie or otherwise act contrary to your morals to protect the secret?] . Through our time working together, our friendship unraveled and we were but mere coworkers at the time I was asked to butcher her hours in secret. When I had posted the next month’s schedule, the questions began to arise.

Aside from the ethical dilemma I faced, I felt guilty betraying someone that was once a friend to me. Fortunately for me, she had given enough excuses and turned out to be such a poor worker that shaking up the schedule felt like second nature to me. Jane berated me for weeks for an answer as to why she was basically being kicked off the schedule. [Relate to class: Do you think the person trying to penetrate the secret had a desire to know, gain control, feel superior, or be intimate?] 

It only took three weeks since the new schedule for her to call it quits. Our friendship hadn’t been repaired since the ordeal, plus I would feel weird continuing to befriend someone that I not only betrayed, but also lied to on a constant basis for almost a month. I also didn’t have the guts to tell her she had become a terrible worker and was lucky she wasn’t embarrassingly fired. [Relate to class: A secret can hurt people, intended or not.] 

 

*Name has been changed

Blog #3 Secrecy

[Eliminate introduction and apply insights to the story.] The video of revelation and secrets explained why secrets are important in terms of privacy. The bonds that links lies and secrets [sentence fragment]. Also, it talks about of how when we get a hold of a secret, we get control and we are supposed to feel power. Lastly, the dangers of secrets and principles of confidentiality.

It was the night I received my Associates Degree that I found out my dad was having an affair with some other woman, worst night of my life. After that [comma] I could not see my dad the same way, [period mark] I did not want to have a conversation with him and even worst [worse] [comma] I did not want to sit on the table with him, [period mark] his presence just annoyed and aggravated me. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] My mom asked me to not tell anything to my little brother or to anyone and [comma]even today after so many years where everything is back to normal and we are back at being a normal family [redundant] [comma] I have not open my mouth. This is related to a principle of confidentiality called prima facie duty since I did not break that pledge of confidentiality with my mom and display the loyalty I have towards her [good insight].

In the video is mentioned that when you get hold of a secret we have control and a desire to feel superior; that was not my case, it was guilt and sadness. My brother was in China and he had the right to know what was going on as well as my family but I could not break my mom’s heart by making everything worst. Also, at that point [comma] my dad and my brother were having a great father-son relationship and I could not hurt that either. [Relate your feelings and insights to the readings. Did people make appeals based on ethos (your sense of honor, loyalty or justice) or pathos (feelings)? Did you carry a burden the way that Edward Snowden said he did?]

I was nurturing the growth of lies by lying to him every time he would call and by pretending everything was all right when it really was not. In Addition, I was doing something irrational to my best friend, since I have never lied to him before. Furthermore, this links to the bond of lies and secrets, where a secret guard a lie and lies are used to protects secrets [good insight].

“Secrecy=intentional concealment and that overlaps with privacy”, [period mark] I related to this because it was my mom’s secret but it was also my dad’s, and I in some way I was protecting him, his name, and all aspects of his identity in the eyes of my brother and my family [good insight].

As my conclusion, maybe and we are not lovers of lies, and we do not think that by having a secret lying will be necessary, but we are going to get to a point in our lives where [missing word or words] are going have secret, and in order to keep confidential and to protect it we are going to have to lie [Relate the insights to the readings and lectures.].

 

Secrets

Secrecy

Few years ago I was at a party with one of my best friends. Everything was alright until a couple of girls approached us and we decided to take a couple of drinks with them. The problem with the whole situation is that my friend had a girlfriend at the time and I knew her at a personal level. I had dinned [SP: dined] on [at] my friend’s girlfriend [girlfriend’s] house, and she had talked to me about her problems and other personal things. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] As we were talking and drinking [comma] the situation started to go to a different level, and at the end my friend ended up kissing one of the girls we were talking with. The party ended and my friend and I went home, but he asked me to please keep the secret and do not say anything to his girlfriend. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] It was a significantly difficult situation because I used to see my friend’s girlfriend almost on a daily basis [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.] . The first time I saw her after the party [comma] she asked me about how the night went, and I had to fake a smile and say that the night was kind of boring and that we just talked to the people around. When she saw my face [comma] she instantly knew something was off, and asked me again what happened. I pretended that everything was alright and that I was just tired, but my heart wanted to escape from my chest.

The whole situation gave me a strong sense of power. I knew that I could essentially make my friend do whatever I wanted due to the nature of the secret that I knew about him. Nevertheless, I never took advantage of the situation and I kept it confidential until this day. The fact that I knew a secret of that caliber strengthened our friendship to the point that now we blindly trust each other. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] The problem was that his girlfriend tried to unveil the secret for a long time [Relate to class: Do you think she was trying to penetrate the secret to know, gain control, feel superior, or be intimate?] . She kept asking me about the party for a couple of weeks afterwards, and in all honesty it was a really bad experience. There is nothing worse than having to coldly lie to somebody in their face after they have displayed such hospitality [She was nice? Or was she hostile?] towards you.  It was to a certain extent similar to having to perpetually maintain a facade. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] I thought at a certain point about telling her the truth, but I was not going to do it due to the prima facie duty of maintaining the secret [good insight]. I justified the lie by the fact that my friend had commented me in the past that she had done some terrible things to him. Whenever she asked [comma]I always tried to go back to those conversations with my friend about her. Although I knew it was not a justification, it was the only way I could hold the lie. Moreover, I also feel that to a certain degree the whole situation lowered my resistance towards the pathological and the irrational, it made more Machiavellian.

Assignment 6: I’ve got a secret

[Keep paragraphs short. No one wants to read giant blocks of text.] My sister was applying for medical schools, and at this time, she had already received 3 rejection letters and she was convinced that she would not make it into any medical school after all her years of hard work [run-on sentence]. I had picked up the mail one afternoon and saw that my sister had received a letter from a medical school. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] My mother, who felt sorry for my sister, decided to open up the letter without my sisters [sister’s] permission to see if she had gotten in or not, just in case she was rejected from another school. Unfortunately, my sister did not make it into that school. My mother was upset, [no comma] and made me promise that I would not tell my sister that we got her letter, opened it, and hid it from her. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] I felt guilty because I knew my sister was waiting for a response from this school. But I also felt like I had to lie to her because my mother had asked me too, and because I did not want to see her cry over another rejection letter [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.]. I was in a compromising position because she would come home and ask if she had received a letter specifically from that school that she did not get in to for about two weeks. It was uncomfortable to say the least to be lying everyday [two words] to her face. But I knew it was for her benefit, because her knowing that she got rejected from yet another school, she would have wanted to give up before she had even gotten accepted anywhere [run-on sentence]. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] I felt guilty because I knew my sister was waiting for a response from this school. But I also felt like I had to lie to her. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] Fortunately, since that last rejection letter, she was accepted into 3 schools over the next few weeks. My mom and I did eventually tell her what we did. At first, she was bothered that we opened her medical school letters without her permission and kept it from her, but she did later come to understand our reasoning behind what we did.

I did have to constantly lie to my sister for two weeks in order to guard my mother’s and my secret, which is why secrecy and lying are linked together. In order to guard our secret, I had to lie. I would either tell my sister that I didn’t know if the mail had gotten to the house yet or that her letter from the school had not gotten there yet. Keeping this secret did give me a sense of empowerment because I was controlling the flow of information to my sister. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] In a way, I also felt like I was controlling her happiness by her not receiving bad news. Though I was withholding information, for her own benefit, I was still not sharing a piece of information that she had every right to know. I tried to make sure that the fourth rejection letter did not affect her emotional state. In this case, my lie did not cause my sister and I to argue or bring us apart, but this does not always happen. In most cases, even if you lie to protect someone, it can break up your relationship.

Valeria Ferreiro

Valeria Ferreiro

I’ve got a secret

[Eliminate introduction and apply insights to the story.] When I think back to when I have lied or have been lied to [comma] I can’t help but wonder if it was the right thing to do at the time. Sometimes, one lies and doesn’t realize the consequences that come with it. Other times you must lie to protect someone or yourself, depending on the situation. Does that justify the lie or the secrets kept?

Not too long ago I was put in a difficult situation by one of my closest friends. I don’t think they [more than one?] realized how asking me to keep this secret could affect me in a negative way [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.] . I think they just needed my help and didn’t know any other way to ask for it. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] I had to lie to people I was very close to and that is not something I am comfortable doing, because I know how easy it is to lose someone’s trust and how hard it is to gain it back. It meant that I had to go against what I believed in [Relate to readings. Were you angry at having to lie or otherwise act contrary to your morals to protect the secret?] and set aside pathos and ethos and be more rational since my credibility could be ruined from the secrets and lies.

Once people started to notice something had changed [comma] they started to question me, [no comma] because they knew I was the closest person to my friend and he always told me everything. It wasn’t up to me to disclose the information that was shared with me. The lies had already gone too far and if they stopped at that point I would have been the one to blame. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] Secrets lower resistance to the irrational and pathological and ultimately alter judgment.  This secret would not have put anyone in any danger but could have affected a group of people, it was in their best interest to not know about it [run-on sentence] [Relate the insights to the readings and lectures.].

Lies need justification and I had no idea how to justify the lies that had been told. I had more power than I knew what to do with. If I would’ve given in to all the questions and intrusions [Relate to class: Do you think the people trying to penetrate the secret had a desire to know, gain control, feel superior, or be intimate?] [comma]I would have embarrassed my closest friend and offended many others, but if I kept lying I would have buried myself more. I felt like I was in an awkward position because I didn’t want to favor one person before another and people were basically asking me to choose sides. I decided to avoid my friends and stick with the same lies I had been giving. After a couple of weeks [comma] everyone moved on with their own lives and didn’t ask any more questions.

This isn’t so simple when it comes to government lies and secrets, its [SP: it’s] more complex. The media wants to know more so they can tell their audience, and everyone has a desire to know and feel like they have the power. Everyone wants answers either from the source or other media, and when news stories don’t add up it makes people look bad, no one likes being embarrassed [run-on sentence].