Secret Assignment

by Samantha Atherley

My freshmen year of college, I experienced how complicated our lives can really get from keeping secrets. Throughout that year, I broke the sacred girl code by hanging out with one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends. I decided that at the time the best situation was to not tell her that I had befriended him. Knowing how sensitive she was to even the mention of his name, I felt that I had to keep this secret from her in order to keep our confidentiality with each other [Relate to class: People keep a secret to protect personal space or a name.]. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] In order to successfully keep this secret from her, I had to keep the times that I hung out with him private. If we were hanging out in a social setting, I would never post any pictures with him on social media. Also, I hoped that none of my friends would post any pictures on us on their own social media platforms. [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.] 

Furthermore, my desire to keep the confidence between us led me to continue to keep the secret from her for months [already stated]. If the secret came out, my faulty loyalty to our friendship would be exposed. Even though it is believed that secrets are supposed to empower someone in the relationship, this secret didn’t give anyone in the relationship power [good insight]. I was constantly filled with anxiety over whether or not my secret would be exposed. Many of my other friends knew my secret and the extremity of the situation. However, none of my friends ever exposed my secret to the girl I was hiding it from. [Relate to class: The friends kept a confidentiality out of a prima facie duty and to show loyalty to a peer.] 

Consequently, hiding this secret was a real danger to the state of my friendship with this girl. In my mind, it was okay to keep this secret from her in order to avoid any conflict or judgment. However, in reality when the secret was exposed it ultimately ended up ruining our friendship. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] When my lie caught up to me, and she saw me texting him, all the guilt from keeping this secret hit me. I immediately regretted keeping this secret from her and ruining a friendship over some guy who didn’t care about anyone but himself. Her trust in me was completely gone and I felt like such a horrible person for losing her trust. [Relate to class: A secret can hurt people, intended or not.] 

Looking back on the situation, the best thing for me to do would have been to tell her that I was hanging out with this boy instead of ever keeping it a secret from her. Ultimately, keeping this secret from her just made me a less credible source. When I would speak to her, I found myself constantly lying to her about who I was with and what I was doing in order to keep the secret from getting out [Did you feel a sense of loyalty, guilt or anxiety? Were you angry at having to lie or otherwise act contrary to your morals to protect your secret?]. All in all, secrecy, lying, and confidentiality are all connected in a web of information sharing. In order to keep a secret you have to lie and when you lie you can break confidentiality or keep it.

 

 

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