I’ve Got a Secret Blog

As a young boy, secrecy and lying has been a friend of mine, always. It wasn’t to be a manipulating or vindictive person, but to hide something that’s part of me. Coming out as gay is never easy for anyone who happens to identify themselves as gay, especially if you’re raised in a religious household, like me. Raised in a religious Christian family, I was taught that homosexuality is a sin and a “abomination to God.” That specific reason is why I kept lying and lying to every person in my life about my homosexuality. I was scared I was going to “burn in hell” for all eternity or I’ll be judge due to society having a close-mind on gay marriage. I was convincing myself every day that I wasn’t a homosexual, but a heterosexual.

After years of compelling to lie about being gay, I finally I had the courage to admit to myself first that, in fact, I am a gay man to my mother. That specific day was when I became free. “You never have to hide yourself. Don’t ever be ashamed of the person that you are, and I will always love you no matter what,” my mother said. I was really pleased I came out to my mother. Hearing those words were just a moment where I became happy for the first time. Today, I am a man whose achieving great thing and is confident more than ever; something that I never had within myself. I was an empowering moment for me and for my mother. My relationship with my mother has never been better. We have more trust with each other and better communication. This made me realize that my lie of being gay and trying to protect the person that I am was just a time wasted matter.

As much as my mother is supporting me, I was questioning my grandmother’s support. My grandmother knew about my homosexuality, but didn’t say her grandson was gay. She didn’t want to be embarrassed. I understood her perspective. Although she loves and cares for me, it bothers me with anger that she doesn’t proudly states that she has a gay grandson. I find it hypercritical, honestly. Ever since my I came out to my rest of my family, everyone’s been distance, especially my grandmother. Our relationship has downgraded. It’s never the same how it used to be. It’s like my grandmother wasn’t penetrating the truth and couldn’t face reality.

Again, till this day I feel so confident about myself. I empowered something that’s difficult to do (if anyone happened to be in my shoes). Even though I don’t have the whole family support, I have my mothers. I’m grateful for that. Nobody is in your family is going to feel comfortable knowing that I’m gay, and that’s OK. I have the strength and the confidence I need not be ashamed or embarrassed of what others think about me. I’m a happy, gay man whose doing amazing things in life, and that’s important to feel and think about yourself.



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