I’ve got a secret: Blog Post


Kai Green

When I was in high school one of my good friends, Jade, was going through a rough time in her life. She was suffering with depression and to cope, would drink excessively and do drugs. When I tried to find out what was causing this behavior, her response was always “Nothing.” So one day I decided to have a conservation with her, to help her through her personal struggles. We decided to grab dinner at our favorite restaurant and talk. At dinner she revealed to me that she way gay. This was a secret she hadn’t shared with anyone, including her parents. As her friend she pleaded with me to hide her secret from her friends, family and associates. As she wasn’t ready to come out as gay to her loved ones.


During the next few months after finding out Jade’s secret. The knowledge of this felt more like a burden, then a feeling of empowerment. It suddenly became my obligation to her, for me to lie to her family which I had a very close relationship with. Also to her boyfriend, Johnny, whom I’ve been friends with since the sixth grade. In our relationship it seemed as if she was more empowered because, she could continue putting on this façade with her loved ones. GOOD.  While I stood by her anxiously, having to watch anything I said so that I wouldn’t expose her.


Many people had their suspicions about Jade—mainly Johnny. When Jade began slowly distancing herself from Johnny, because she was pursuing other women.  He would approach me to find out what was going on. One day at lunch Johnny was anxious, after not hearing from Jade the entire weekend. He vented about his struggling relationship with her, and his feelings of disconnect on her end. He said, “Do you know what has been going on with her lately?” I replied, “I have no idea.” Jade’s parents approached me one day at church, and explained to me how Jade’s behavior had been very suspicious lately. They wanted to know if something was bothering her and hoped I would reveal her secret. Just as I lied to Johnny about Jade’s situation, I felt compelled to do the same thing to her parents.


Lying and keeping secrets from Jade’s loved ones, left me with an unsettling feeling. I became someone who was misleading and dishonest, with individuals I cared deeply for. This situation is directly related to the readings given this week. The readings addressed the interrelatedness of secrecy, confidentiality and lying. Each functions to help the other and cannot stand alone. As individuals we often use secrecy to protect lies and vice versa. Looking back on this experience with Jade, I understand the effect of these three factors on relationships. Although it felt wrong to lie and keep secrets from Jade’s loved ones. These intersections of secrecy, lying and confidentiality were used by me, in order to protect my friend from a compromising position. These three factors were a key component, to the way I processed Jade’s secret. Also how I planned on handling this information. GOOD.



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