Secrecy and Confidentiality

[Eliminate the introduction and apply insights to the story.] I am typically very sound when it comes to my inclination to keep a secret. I for one value trustworthiness and loyalty above all else in a relationship, so secrecy has never been a difficult task when asked of me. However, the most substantial secret I have ever had to keep hindered not only myself but all parties involved. I use this secret in particular for my story because it does a great job in exemplifying how relationships are affected by secrecy and lies.

A couple years ago my parents decided to separate, [period mark] following this decision my mom and I moved into an apartment and my dad and brother remained at our house. This wasn’t anything particularly new for me as my parents have separated several times within their marriage before. At this time [comma] they were still friendly with each other and would still “date” so to speak. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] My mom and I have always been very close so I knew right away that she was hiding something from me. I had my suspicions but it wasn’t until months later that I found out she was having a surreptitious affair with another man from work. I assumed this would not be too difficult of a task withholding this information from my father since we weren’t particularly close at the time. However, this was at a time where he was working on improving his relationship with both me and my brother. [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.] 

I found myself becoming increasingly reticent in conversation with not only my father, but with anyone anytime my mother was mentioned. Attending my mother’s work functions was especially difficult, and it was then that I finally understood what people meant when they said they had a secret that was eating them alive. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] At this time [comma] my dad also had his suspicions about the affair [comma] and I could tell he knew I was with holding information. When someone is holding onto a secret so large, it almost puts an aura of culpability around them. He saw this and I was unable to keep the secret. I refused to lie about my knowledge of the situation because I knew the truth would come out sooner or later [comma] and I refused to be implicated any further in something that really shouldn’t have anything to do with me.

In The Balance of Concealment and Revelation lecture it was mentioned that secrecy nurtures the growth of more lies. I found this to be true, but in a different way then mentioned. After I told my dad my mom was having an affair, he revealed to me that he had cheated on my mom as well that summer. However, I later found this out to be false. It was a lie he told to make himself feel better in light of the secret that was kept from him. However, it only hindered myself especially, as well as others involved . [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] Secrecy is a risky game to play and only leads to lies upon lies being stacked against each other. It can breed a whole new level of trust, or destroy it. Sharing this secret with my father brought us closer, but the realization of his lie brought us farther apart in the end. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] As for my mother, I do see her in a different light but not in a bad light. Given the circumstances she was under at the time, which I will not go into, I  understand why she did what she did. Although I did not approve of her decision, it allowed me to see my mother as not just my mother. It allowed me to see her as human too, a human who makes mistakes. Just as I have throughout my childhood, and she was able to forgive me every time, so I forgave her as well [pathos].


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