Blackout

I thought I could do it, for the first couple of hours. Then my fingers started feeling twitchy. I wanted to go on twitter, Instagram, Flipboard. See what my friends and strangers of the Internet were up to. To keep myself occupied I decided to take a nap first. By taking a nap, I could keep my entire mind and body busy, until I could figure out what else to do later on. As soon as I woke up I felt a sense of solitude come over me. I couldn’t check my phone, as I usually do since anything could pop up that would tell me the events of today. As Deresiewicz said, I had to find a way to fight the boredom.

I just wanted to clear my mind of the constant clutter it’s fed every day, by being on my phone, so I started running again. Running was a faux activity that could fill the gap I was feeling. I hadn’t gone running in a long time, but the thought of being in my room enclosed was too much to bear.

I would get hungry after my runs, but I didn’t want to eat alone. Whenever I would go out to eat, I have my phone on me keep me company while I eat. It’s sad relying on technology for the comfort of companionship. I ate in silence, with nothing but my thoughts comforting me.

There was nothing I could do in the twilight zone that has become my room, in order to occupy myself and push back this overwhelming feeling of anxiousness coming over me. I missed going on my phone and catching up on what is going on in the world. However, in the process of omitting all news from my life, I have pushed myself more into a state of loneliness than before. I figured I didn’t know how to completely cope with this new state of blackout news.

I like keep myself preoccupied with the numerous group chats that I’m a part of, but all of those had to be muted in fear of them over sharing any breaking news. I was not fond of not being in the know. Of not understanding why my dad was shaking his head at the TV after the latest news report (I had headphones in so nothing was heard).

The blackout of news kept me out of the loop of the information world. I found my fingers rubbing up against each other at times, reminiscing about their constant use of swiping and pressing. The news is being shared over all platforms because that’s how important and widespread they are. In this current age of information, we all have a need to stay informed in case of fear of missing out. My journey to escape the void of nothingness had me fill my time up with activities such as running and playing video games. I didn’t feel free from technology, but lacking in being informed. The news is important, it helps us all understand each other a little more.

GOYA, WHERE’S DERESIEWICZ? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO USE THE ESSAY TO FRAME YOUR RESPONSES. THIS READS LIKE A DIARY ENTRY.

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