A Secret

A secret I held belonged to a friend. He warned me not to tell his parents about his actual sexual orientation. He, I, and our friends were going to meet his parents. I was a bit shocked about his notification because he was very opened about his romantic relationships among friends. I accepted his request but asked him, “Why?” He reasoned that he does not know how his parents would react and rather be safe than sorry if his parent’s reactions went dire of the truth.

This experience empowered both of us because he had the power for me not to say that one theme [thing?] [period mark] otherwise [comma] I would had lost his trust, friendship and friends. I was empowered because I was another member holding his secret and had the potential to change his future involving his family. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] Nobody tried to penetrate this secret because our friends already knew about this hidden truth before I did. In fact, people we knew pleaded at me not to accidentally tell his parents of his actual sexual orientation. There was a sense of urgency in their voices and I felt cautious being around my friend’s parents- I did not want to break my friend’s perfect bond. I also felt that I never was completely involved with my friend’s life since I am the last to know (but that is what happen when we live about an hour drive from each other).

From this example, I can understand how a secret can be the very thin fabric between chaos and serenity in society [comma] and it is commonly advised to avoid a scene whenever possible. But I am also aware that keeping a secret can lead to a flaw. In my friend’s case, that flaw  would be not having  an open, honest relationship with his parents,  and the lingering burden of being afraid of the unknown or what- ifs. With our friends’ support on secrecy, lying and confidentiality on his big secret, I had realized that some things are best left undiscovered since they know his parent’s thinking process more than I do. [Relate the insights to the readings and lectures.]

[Relate the insights to the readings and lectures.] Having a secret exposed has a lot of risk involved [comma] so it is understandable the length and thought provoking [hyphenate] analysis people are willing to keep the truth hidden. When considering the ties to lie in order to keep a secret confidential, the situation can get sticky and complicated the more an individual becomes involved with it. People lie for a reason just like secrets are created for a reason. If a person cannot hold their tongue (being confidential) then having a secret cannot exist. That exposed “secret” would be public and can spell trouble to the people involved.

 

 

Secrecy and Confidentiality

[Eliminate the introduction and apply insights to the story.] I am typically very sound when it comes to my inclination to keep a secret. I for one value trustworthiness and loyalty above all else in a relationship, so secrecy has never been a difficult task when asked of me. However, the most substantial secret I have ever had to keep hindered not only myself but all parties involved. I use this secret in particular for my story because it does a great job in exemplifying how relationships are affected by secrecy and lies.

A couple years ago my parents decided to separate, [period mark] following this decision my mom and I moved into an apartment and my dad and brother remained at our house. This wasn’t anything particularly new for me as my parents have separated several times within their marriage before. At this time [comma] they were still friendly with each other and would still “date” so to speak. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] My mom and I have always been very close so I knew right away that she was hiding something from me. I had my suspicions but it wasn’t until months later that I found out she was having a surreptitious affair with another man from work. I assumed this would not be too difficult of a task withholding this information from my father since we weren’t particularly close at the time. However, this was at a time where he was working on improving his relationship with both me and my brother. [Relate to class: Keeping a confidentiality puts tremendous burden on the agent.] 

I found myself becoming increasingly reticent in conversation with not only my father, but with anyone anytime my mother was mentioned. Attending my mother’s work functions was especially difficult, and it was then that I finally understood what people meant when they said they had a secret that was eating them alive. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] At this time [comma] my dad also had his suspicions about the affair [comma] and I could tell he knew I was with holding information. When someone is holding onto a secret so large, it almost puts an aura of culpability around them. He saw this and I was unable to keep the secret. I refused to lie about my knowledge of the situation because I knew the truth would come out sooner or later [comma] and I refused to be implicated any further in something that really shouldn’t have anything to do with me.

In The Balance of Concealment and Revelation lecture it was mentioned that secrecy nurtures the growth of more lies. I found this to be true, but in a different way then mentioned. After I told my dad my mom was having an affair, he revealed to me that he had cheated on my mom as well that summer. However, I later found this out to be false. It was a lie he told to make himself feel better in light of the secret that was kept from him. However, it only hindered myself especially, as well as others involved . [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] Secrecy is a risky game to play and only leads to lies upon lies being stacked against each other. It can breed a whole new level of trust, or destroy it. Sharing this secret with my father brought us closer, but the realization of his lie brought us farther apart in the end. [Organize your writing: new idea, new paragraph.] As for my mother, I do see her in a different light but not in a bad light. Given the circumstances she was under at the time, which I will not go into, I  understand why she did what she did. Although I did not approve of her decision, it allowed me to see my mother as not just my mother. It allowed me to see her as human too, a human who makes mistakes. Just as I have throughout my childhood, and she was able to forgive me every time, so I forgave her as well [pathos].

I’ve Got a Secret- Melissa Martin

Secrecy, lies, and confidentiality. These all seem to go hand in hand, but they’re actually quite different. Confidentiality is keeping something private in order to protect oneself or someone else. Lies, on the other hand, are used to guard secrets. The difference usually lies behind the reason for keeping something private. We’ve all told lies and kept secrets from others, but what was the reason for those lies and secrets? Was it to protect ourselves, a friend, or the person we were keeping it from.

TOO GENERAL. WE KNOW THIS. HOW ARE THEY RELEVANT TO YOUR POST?

Not too long ago I kept a secret from one of my closest friends. It ate at me for days, but at the time I thought the damage from disclosing the secret would be more harmful than keeping it confidential. My friend had been married to her husband for years. I’m actually just as close with the husband as I am with my friend. I’ve known them for the same amount of time. The husband cheated on my friend years ago and they were on and off since then. He’d promise her he wouldn’t cheat again, and then he did. They’d fight, separate and get back together. It was a never-ending cycle. I’d get involved a few times, but after a while I realized it wasn’t my place.

One day I found out that the husband impregnated the other woman. I confronted him about it the next day and he told me that he would tell my friend himself. I agreed to keep it confidential until he did. While I didn’t want to lie to my friend, I knew that disclosing this information would kill her. Part of me didn’t even know how to tell her. Days went by and my friend still hadn’t mentioned anything about the pregnancy. I contemplated telling her myself so many times, but couldn’t do it. I kept imagining how hurt she would be when she found out.

A few more days passed and I asked the husband why he hadn’t told his wife about the baby yet. He said he decided he was going to keep it a secret because he didn’t want it to ruin his marriage. I couldn’t believe what I had heard. He explained that he would give the other woman money under the table to support the child, but that he wanted to stay with my friend. I didn’t even know how to respond. Was he delusional? Did he really think this was all going to work out? I still didn’t know what to do? Do ANSWER YOUR OWN QUESTIONS. I ruin my friend’s life by telling her about her husband’s secret or do I let this secret eat at me forever? At this point, I knew it wasn’t about privacy or confidentiality. This was a lie and the truth had to be told. I finally told my friend about the baby. It felt like a weight had been lifted because I knew I had done the right thing. It was a difficult thing to go through, but after she left him, she was finally at peace.

For me, the difference between privacy and secrecy came when my morals kicked in. When I was keeping this secret for the wrong reason and realized there would be more harm from the lie than the truth, I knew I had to come clean.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL.

 

I’ve got a Secret

Not again… I am sitting on the couch and OF COURSE she would invite him over. “He was just in the neighborhood” … yeah, right. What lie am I going to have to come up with now? What if her boyfriend gets off work early? Why am I stuck in the middle? What am I going to get out of this, besides another headache. They are both my friends and now I’m stuck in this situation. My best friend was cheating on her boyfriend with her ex-boyfriend, Jonathan. This wasn’t the first time it happened. She had no explanation for her actions. I had no word of advice to tell her, anything I could tell her wouldn’t matter. My opinions would have been useful but her actions took over her better judgment. The adrenaline rush she had every time he would text her and entertained her is what kept her living this lie. I lied to her boyfriend on several occasions when he asked, “What did you guys do today? “Is Nat  okay because she really hasn’t been herself lately”. Forcing me to have to act like everything was perfectly fine and nothing out of the ordinary would happen that night.

This experience did not empower me, at all. GOOD — CITE THE LECTURE. I had kept this lie for many years where the truth didn’t even matter anymore. However, it empowered my best friend who had her cake and ate it too. Even though, throughout that period of time, I did lie to her boyfriend to not make him think otherwise and ultimately hurt him. Our other best friend was also involved in this lie as well. This made me feel terrible about myself and about the situation we were all in. Sometimes, I felt like telling the truth to him; I felt guilty having to keep this secret. However, my loyalty is to my best friend although he was also my friend. It was up to her to tell him the truth and choose to end her infidelity.

In situations like this I rather not be informed about the situation, keeping secrets and having to lie so much in order to have the secret kept is too messy. Even though I had a choice of stepping out of the situation, involuntary, I was involved keeping this secret for my best friend. I was ultimately stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had to choose between being a good friend by staying silent about the mess that was happening right before my eyes or walking away from her and having her feel like I was betraying her trust. Everyone has dealt with situations wherein they had to keep a secret from someone and had to lie in order to maintain the secret, a secret.

YOU DIDN’T USE THE LECTURE TO FRAME YOUR ARGUMENTS.

Secrecy

Last semester I had the opportunity to intern for BBC Worldwide for their Latin American office in Coral Gables. It was a chance of a lifetime. My dream job was to work for The BBC network and this was one step closer to making that happen. My internship position was in the communications department. Most of my task included sending press material to publications, creating press releases, and curating coverage reports for our records. On Monday’s were particular my favorite because it was the communication’s department weekly meeting, and breakfast was always free. Free breakfast is a plus especially to a broke college student but on this particular Monday the Board room was serious.  BBC Executives were in the board room and topic of discussion was our dangerous financial state. BBC Worldwide had made the decision to make budget cuts to our sector in Latin America because business was not doing very well. BBC worldwide was going through some serous changes. On this particular meeting, time was dedicated to creating a strategic plan to announce to the office and press on the changes that were to come. These budget cuts would cause 9 of our employees to lose their jobs. Most of these people had families, hungry mouths to feed, mortgages to pay. I was just an intern trying to gain experience. Knowing that I was one of the few that had a hold of such sensitive information made me feel disgusted. I knew all these employees, they each had contributed to my life is some type of way. How was I supposed to keep this a secret from them? How was I supposed to pretend and act like everything is okay to these individuals when I knew it was going to be there last final weeks being employed? ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. I felt like I had all the power because I was exposed to such sensitive information. I felt like I could only speak to those who knew of that information because we did share something in common. I grew a sense of pity for these people. I was only an intern who had stumbled in the doors during the wrong time. At this moment I understood that I had to be very careful with what I said to others in the office.

THESE PARAGRAPHS ARE TOO LONG.

I knew it wasn’t my place to tell these people that they were getting fired. I also knew that I had the responsibility to keep the classified information to myself. It was too serious of an issue to talk about to others. As time passed so did the rumors. By the end of the week, everyone became frightful of losing their jobs. During lunch breaks, conversations amongst my coworker consisted of guessing who was going to get fired. I would simply go along with their game. Little did they know that I was the source to their curiosity. Finally after a whole two weeks of holding my mouth from such treacherous information, an email was sent to the entire office staff, informing us of the new changes being made. I finally felt at ease because this secrecy was over and I could finally act truthful.

YOU DIDN’T ALLUDE TO BLEVENS’ LECTURE.

I’ve Got a Secret

Natalia Pasquariello

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Team 12

Thinking about past events and what I have gone through with family and friends, a couple of situations come to mind when it comes to secrecy. It makes you think to yourself, why did you put yourself in a situation where lying was needed? or why was creating a secret necessary in the first place? Analyzing the situation really puts things into perspective because you may have created more issues by lying than what would have happened if you were open about what was going on in the first place.

For example, when I was about 18 years old I was going through some family problems where lying to protect my father started to become our second nature. It wasn’t because I promised him I would keep the things going on at home confidential, but more so that I just didn’t want the world to perceive him as anything less than perfect. Not to blame anyone but society has created a particular image that everyone wants to be or feels the need to be like , so when something is a little off the spectrum, we find the need to create a false image for the outside looking in.

But wrapping your life in a lie and creating so many secrets, makes you forget what the actual truth is and this may be where information gets crossed or told incorrectly and your credibility is questioned. IS THIS A CLASS CONCEPT? Which is where insecurity comes in because you begin to over think all of your surroundings and who believes or who is trying to find out the truth of your lies. Being that you have this big weight on your shoulders can take toll on your mental and physical health, which can affect you greatly in so many different aspects.

This leads to back to the bigger issue of my hidden family secret from the beginning, that is still not being solved and just becoming larger as I tried to pretend everything is okay and as I’m smiling through it all, hoping no one can see the pain in my eyes. I understand the idea of confidentiality and the fact of people not needing to know your personal business, just because things can either blow up in your face or actually work out of the better. But something I’m trying to analyze is when the world allowed society to create such an image for household families that secrecy and lying became everyone’s second nature.

This is where the line needs to be drawn between the truth and a lie. How I told my friends that dad was going away for vacation for a couple of days instead of saying he moved out, was my way of giving them enough information to explain his absence. But where parts get messy within situations and information like this, is when information gets twisted or interpreted incorrectly and that is when keeping stories and problems told to a minimum or the complete truth is safer than to allow the story to be left up in the air.

Why we lie

By Zue Lopez Diaz

It is ideal to be ‘honest’. Whether it is part of someone’s religion or simply out of a personal moral code, many strive to lie as little as possible. At least I, no matter what the circumstance, try not to lie unless absolutely necessary. Yet the circumstance of lying for someone else, and not for yourself, can rapidly change the way we think on the subject. Many of us might more easily be persuaded to keep another’s secret than our own.

After analyzing a specific, small and trivial time in my life when I happened to lie for the sake of someone else, I have realized that not only do I have a specific set of circumstances in lying for others than when I do when I only keep a secret for myself, I distinctly keep another’s secret because of empathy, lack of knowledge, and social constructs imposed on us by society.

Some time ago I spent the night at my anonymous friend’s house, L. It was an out of the blue decision, and therefore I had to use her clothes the next day. When asked about it by other two friends, M and S, I was about to explain to them that I had stayed over L’s house unexpectedly and had needed to borrow clothes, but I saw her shake her head behind their shoulders.

This was an isolated event, as I had never seen L want to keep something from them before, so I stopped in my tracks and simply said it was a new shirt, the entire time not understanding why she would ask me to do such a thing. However, I didn’t ask questions. To this day I don’t know why I couldn’t tell them I had slept over her house.

It is obvious to me that I lie more easily for others than I do for myself. We could attribute much of this because of empathy, which comes as a side effect of loyalty to someone. In many ways, those you are loyal to and that you care about are an extension of yourself, yet independent enough that you assume there is a reason behind what they are doing. This empathy brings an assumption of reason and rationality to your lie. USE THE BLEVENS LECTURE TO SUPPORT THESE CONCLUSIONS.

This happens because when it is another’s secret, there is an innate lack of information on the subject, and it is easy to assume that if you had all the information you would do the same. A human error, in many ways, this assumption is that you don’t know what else they’re holding back that might be impactful in some way, and leads to an easier route to lying.

Those are reasons why we might keep the secret for others in the long-run, yet in the short-run I find there to be a much simpler explanation for why I went along with the lie. In the heat of the moment, my immediate reaction was not to say anything and I attribute the quick reaction to the simple socially created construction of the idea that being a ‘snitch’ is inherently bad, an idea that is hard to dispel once it is so insistently placed before you.

YOU DIDN’T MENTION BLEVENS AT ALL. YOU WROTE A DIARY ENTRY. YOU DIDN’T ENGAGE THE LECTURE CONCEPTS AT ALL.